Digital Conversations

Moving

2007-05-09T12:01:00.000-04:00

In an attempt to be able to post more static information, I am moving this space to the following address (hopefully I will enjoy it as much as I love being on blogger - if only blogger offered me the space and options I need, I would stay):

www.digitalconversations.wordpress.com

A Difference in Meaning

2007-05-08T12:14:00.000-04:00

So, I am reading this book, which is interesting so far. But in making the claim that machines will surpass humans in terms of 'intelligence', I ask the following question:

Although computers may be able to store and compute more information than human capacity, is it really memory and knowledge?

In the last book I read, a big part of the text dealt with the difference between information and data. Information, to be useful, must bear meaning, otherwise it is simply data. If Kurzweil is making the claim that machines will surpass human intelligence, is he implying that machines will be able to create meaning out of their stored and computed data? Is there not something unique in the human experience that alters all meaning depending on the receptor? Or is intelligence simply the cumulated sum of information?

The Spirit of Inquiry

2007-05-08T07:07:00.000-04:00

A great looking conference coming up next week, May 14-16 at Concordia University. I am registered and waiting! The Spirit of Inquiry: Developing Critical Thinking, Creativity and Community is part of the Teaching, Learning and Technology Conference Series. For anyone who plans on making teaching a part of their academic career, and hope to implement the use of technology, this is a good event to attend.

Check Marks & Being

2007-05-07T13:32:00.000-04:00

I submitted my chapter/essay over the weekend (and had the obligatory editing exchange) and at this time, I believe it is safely tucked away, earning another check mark on my list of things to do. The last thing on my list is the groundwork for our AoIR paper on community building through course websites (with Shanly Dixon). Completely out of my scope of research but not experience, it will be interesting mining for information without my usual feelers on.

It is sunny, with a warm breeze. Nice enough to sit outside and read a book. After contemplating my bookshelf to pick a book off of the "to read" shelf, I picked The Age of Spiritual Machines by Ray Kurzweil. Interestingly, another science oriented book (the 2nd in a row; strange for my reading habits..), it was written in 1999, so it is interesting to read statements that address the first 2 decades of this century; whether they have proven false, developed in the direction the author anticipated etc etc.

I chose this book because of my resistance against believing in the cyborg ideal. Although I believe that humans have become inextricably linked with technology in many ways (from pace makers to blackberrys) and in this way, cyborg may be an appropriate term to use as individual become increasingly digital/technical etc. I am still resistant to the idea that machines will surpass humans as intelligent beings. This is not to say that a machine will not (and has not) surpassed the computing capacity of the human brain, but rather, I am resistant towards the idea that a machine will write a better fictional novel, create its own art movement (outside of humans using the machines to create such artefacts).

As the early pages of the book suggests, the answer to this question really lies in the bigger (philosophical) question of the meaning of being. What it means to be human... a question that we have been struggling with for what seems like an eternity. Looking forward to seeing how Kurzweil works it into his overall argument.

Loose Ends & Moving On

2007-05-03T10:55:00.000-04:00

As I finish up this chapter (today) I am faced with the fact that this is my last 'academic' project until I get news about my PhD. Perhaps that is a little dramatic since I do have a paper for AoIR to research and co-write and that research methods project my colleague and I keep talking about doing, but I really feel like once this is submitted, I will have an empty road for the next few months. I am sure that my children will be happy to hear it though. And my parents too, since I have often been "too busy" to chat when they would call to check in.

Finishing my MA was a great milestone to hit, but now I am faced with tying up loose ends. Some of those ends are professional (I loved saying hello to all of my old professors when I was on campus; chatting with the secretaries in the department..) and, I fear, some of them are personal. Over the last 2 years friends and classmates have splintered in different directions as everyone moves on to pursue their studies somewhere else. Some have already left and some are leaving soon, but contact in both cases have been dwindling, and eventually, I will just have to let them go - some will be harder than others, but at this point, all I can do is move on and hope our paths cross again sometime in the future.

Maybe in letting go, I will be able to move forward.

Severe Procrastination

2007-05-01T16:15:00.000-04:00

After spending a bit more time on Facebook, I was introduced to this site . A fun, weird and sometimes creepy site where you upload a picture and then they do some face recognition scan and then match you to some celebrities. The images on top was my first try - dismayed at having more male celebrities on my look-alike list, I had to try again, with a smiley picture.

The results were a bit better (below), I remain a bit sceptical - but I cannot say it was not entertaining.

The Trouble with Origin Stories

2007-05-01T15:16:00.000-04:00

As I am trying to write this chapter on the history of online rp games, I realize that the main obstacle that is preventing my from being wholly productive is the question of origin. Each time I write something and move on, I realize that there is some more 'back story' that contextualizes the first statement. Without covering the entire history of technology, I know I must draw a line and acknowledge the line, and move on. But for some reason, it is alot harder than it would appear. I am struggling with definitions as well - online games seemed quite explicit to me in the beginning. But as I research the history, what has often been attributed to "online" I would actually define as "networked" since there is a very explicit line between closed university networks that these games were created in (almost simultaneously and quite oblivious to each other) and the shift in game design and audienc once the internet faciliated connectivity. How far back I go and within what definitions has been paralyzing me in a seemingly simple task of defining the linear history of gameplay, design and aesthetic...

On this note, I guess I should get back to work..

Procrastinating Thoughts

2007-05-01T13:35:00.000-04:00

As I head into my last day of writing (this chapter WILL get done!), my mind has been elsewhere again (to no one's surprise I am sure). In an effort to 'clear the slate', I figure I will rant a bit more before taking out the network card on my laptop and actually work without distraction (if only my house didn't need cleaning!!)

Facebook has been somewhat of an obsessive compulsive habit over the last few days. I am still in a tug of war, love-hate relationship with it, and haven't quite figured out what to do with it. First of all, I am going crazy thinking about myself in the third person. At the top of my profile page, it says "Kelly is ..." and you fill in the blank as often as you would like - letting others who spend their day sporadically checking the site what you are up to. It has gotten to the point that the other night, while trying to falling asleep, all I could think of was bits and blurbs of "kelly is wishing she could fall asleep" and "kelly is tired of tossing and turning". This went on for some time, seemingly out of my control, when at one point, I caught myself thinking "kelly is tired of thinking about herself in the third person"...

That is only the tip of the iceberg. I have been in constant contemplation about what Facebook is to me specifically. At first I think it was curiosity. A decent sociall experiment to think about - immersing myself in the process. But over the last two weeks I have been questioning whether I even want to participate in it anymore, and have been thinking about "Death of a Facebook Profile" post...

At first, I enjoyed building my friends list, which consisted mostly of colleagues and immediate friends. But the more time I am a member, I have been reunited with friends from the past. Some of the good reunions, others I hate to admit, I barely remember having much interaction with. (I was contacted by one friend through another - it took me a few days to place the name and how I knew her... then it hit me. In grade 1 & 2 [YES! grades 1&2!!!] I remember vaguely being friends with her, but what I remember the most was being incredibly jealous of her great 1970's spiral pigtails!). She added me as a friend, and voila - a wordless reunion. But I haven't spoken to her really, nor her with me. So then I started thinking about being invited to be one's friend ... what is the etiquette on rejecting a friend request from someone you actually knew at one point or another in your life? Is the point of Facebook really just collecting friends like Pogs or bottle caps??

The other thing I find incredibly awkward, and this may sound quite pretentious, and for that I apologize, but I am struggling with the mix of "groups" on my friends list. Like a high school party where half the people dont know the other half and no one mingles, I feel like my current friends list is becoming distinctly divided, serving different purposes for each group. And to be quite honest, I don't know if I like this co-mingling of social groups. Facebook has been great in that I very recently have been reunited with some extended family members that I have lost touch with (and used to enjoy being with). But in light of some of their presence on my page (not just my family mind you), I feel that other things in my life now seem ... well, a bit snobby for the lack of a better word. Complaining about my writing, talking about the condo we bought, and a bunch of other things that are acceptably mundane topics with my immediate circle of friends and colleagues - suddenly I feel like I am bragging, or something I cannot quite put my finger on.

But the fact remains, I am addicted to it only because it is in a constant state of change. People update their profiles and interact with each other and when I am looking for something to do (other than the work I SHOULD be doing), it is yet another distraction...and not necessarily a good one ... I mean really - what do you do when the reunion is over? Most people just go home and wait another 15 years!

Broken Technology

2007-04-30T13:01:00.000-04:00

Just a quick rant to say that I hate when something breaks and there is no "contact us" information. Case in point - my blogger profile says it is unavailable, and that I should change my settings if I want it to be viewable. Problem is, it IS enabled (and has worked for over 400 views to date - probably all me checking to see if it works!!). When looking for help, I am pointed to forums where others complain of similar problems but offered no actual solution or explanation for the bug... so ya ... I hate broken technology especially when there is no one to complain to.

How did history get so hard?

2007-04-29T13:22:00.000-04:00

A few days behind schedule, I am sitting here at my computer toiling away on writing a history of online role playing games. I am struggling alot more than I thought I would. Not because I don't have ample notes, timelines and examples, but because I am all to aware of the social construction of history.

There was a time when history was truth to me. Factual; undisputable; it is what it is, cause history don't lie. Like math and science, which are made up of numbers, and numbers don't lie... History was what happened ... events put down objectively on paper - 'they' told me so, and for a long time, I believed them.

But after too many sociology classes and many many conversations that introduced doubt on everything we "think" we know, I am all to aware that everything is constructed. Everything is contextualized and relative. History is nothing more than selective memory, from a particular point of view. Choices of what to include and what to exclude is based on relatively arbitrary decisions by the author or to be a little more objective, secondary constructed categories created outside of the author.

In the end - history should be more aptly titled "The History of America from a middle-upper class educated individual" or "The History of America from the point of view of someone who struggles to read and write" - Although both 'histories' could cover the same time period, and the same events, the socio-economic positions of the authors would set the histories worlds apart.

With this in my head, my constructed categories pre-determined, I am trying my best to detail an objective, uninfluenced history of times, events and artefacts that exist(ed) outside of who I am as an author.

eMusic

2007-04-19T17:16:00.000-04:00

I am oddly surprised, yet happy to say that I have been contacted by eMusic's customer service and they/we have rectified my re-downloading woes. Seems they became aware of my blogpost and contacted me, regardless of their methods, I must say - I am pleased to get my tunes back.

Online/Digital Music

2007-04-19T10:22:00.000-04:00

A few things have been perculating in the recesses of my brain over the last few days and I figured I might as well blog them before they become larger distractions when I am actually trying to work.

iTunes, eMusic and other minuscule/majuscule words associated with online music. I must say, I am really not impressed these days. I have a fair amount of downloaded music that I purchased over the last few years and ignoring a few problems here and there (iTunes not letting me burn certain CD's!!) I have been relatively satisfied. Two weeks ago, my usually net savvy daughter caved into a friend's request to check out a site that she had a bad feeling about - sure enough within minutes, my laptop was filled with bugs, worms, trojans and other malicious pains in the backside. So I had to wipe my entire computer - the first time since I bought it in 2002. I THOUGHT I saved everything I had to, including my music but when I went to reload it from my memory key, the file was not there.

No problem I thought. As far as the hard copies that I actually own, altough time consuming, I can simply reload them. I figured I would be able to go to my eMusic account and re-download the tunes i bought in some sort of 'purchase history'. Same for iTunes. Instead, when I logged into my accounts and tried to access the music I had purchased, I got a message that said something like "Purchases can only be downloaded one time. It is your responsibility to make back up copies of the music you purchase .. blah blah blah". I have to say - I was/am furious. I don't know how many times I've tried to burn a CD that I received a pop up that reminded me that this music could not be copied, distributed blah blah blah... (p.s. not all songs on my laptop's iTunes was on my ipod...)

So now I sit here, missing a good half of my library that I already paid for. I have tried hard to play by the rules for my music, but I just feel that I have no other choice but to perhaps find another way to get it back. I mean, I've already paid for it. I don't want to have to pay for it twice.

Now, the rational side of my brain is arguing back that if I had bought the physical tape, record or cd and lost or ruined it, the company would not be liable to replace it free of cost - but somehow, this feels different. In a way, I feel duped. I feel that I bought into the idea that digital is better, that my computer will keep everything neatly stored away. I know that we, as users of technology, are encouraged to make backups of everything - just in case - but for some strange reason, I cannot imagine making 1,015 back ups for my hard copies if I had bought them from the store...

Kelly Boudreau, M.A.

2007-04-16T16:22:00.000-04:00

Not sure when it becomes official, but my thesis has been submitted to the Office of Graduate Studies for binding.

It is very strange to put it to bed... walk away ... to stop tweaking, thinking, mulling it over, obsessing about it. Luckily for me, I still have my PhD proposal to finish up - so it is never REALLY over.

It's all over but the revisions

2007-04-10T22:33:00.000-04:00

I defended my MA thesis today - it went extremely well - dynamic interaction between committee members and there was a nice - supportive audience. I only have a few minor revisions, which will be done in a few days. I cannot believe that it is over - the last 4 years (Ugrad + Grad) have been working towards this moment. ... /big heavy sigh of relief.

Localizing the Internet

2007-04-07T16:07:00.000-04:00

As so many people go on and on about how the internet breaks down geographical boundaries, it seems that companies are looking at building walls. Beyond the 'need' for legislature governing gambling laws (I still cannot win an online contest in the US because I live in Quebec!), I wonder why companies such as MSN and Yahoo are pushing the geographical definitions of self onto their users.

Case in point (that annoyed me). I live in Canada but like to read the headlines from both Yahoo.ca and Yahoo.com. When I went to Yahoo.com recently, I got a pop up message saying something along the lines of "We noticed that you are Canadian user, please go to Yahoo.ca.... blah blah blah - click here to go to Yahoo! Canada or click here to ignore and continue". I was irritated at this pop up as it delayed my three minutes of browsing, but also because I felt like I was not welcome at the US site since I was not "from" there. I know that this was more than likely not their intention - is probably meant to help those who do not know better, and if they want to shop in CAD funds, or read CAD headlines - but still - I felt that my boundariless internet had fences being built.

Second case in point - we recently upgraded our children's computer, and so IM had to be reinstalled. My daughter was miffed when she tried to download MSN and got a pop up telling her that her IP was a canadian one and she was promptly redirected to MSN Canada. Although she doesn't know what the difference is (neither do I) in terms of messenging services, she felt annoyed that she was shipped off by geographical affiliation.

New Project

2007-04-05T10:20:00.000-04:00

As I have been pondering my to-do list, a new opportunity has come my way. I have been invited to write a short chapter on the history of online games for an upcoming anthology titled "Video Game History: From Bouncing Blocks to a Global Industry" edited by Mark J.P. Wolf. I am happy to share the pages with Dominic and other friends from the Ludicine research project headed by Dr. Bernard Perron as well as many other fine authors that I have read in the past.

Feeling Facebook

2007-04-03T15:22:00.000-04:00

I never thought I would make a facebook profile. I am not quite sure what compelled me today - surely some email or other.. but I did. I was surprised how fast it all came together - I have a bunch of friends already, a relatively full profile and carry on a few conversations via 'messages' and 'the wall'. I am scared that I will become addicted to it - as I am with checking my blog (for the never posted comments) and my email (grateful that I belong to several mailing lists!).

What I did find interesting, is how you create your profile - how it asks what you are looking for (in a 'i'm available' kinda way). It struck me as odd that my choices were limited to LavaLife type categories - even the "friendship" tag seemed loaded with inuendo. Where is the "to create a visual mapping of my social friendships" tab? If the site is academic in its nature (so i remember at its inception), why are all the profile categories so typical (interests, hobbies, books, shows, music, movies etc..). I don't know - I am not sure what I was hoping for. I always feel weird sharing what I watch on television - as I watch SOME reality television, but have a distinct line of 'too much' and 'lame' even within the reality television spectrum. But when I read my "friend's" profiles, reality television is often ridiculed - so do I lie, and make fun of it too or do I admit my guilty pleasure of reality television along with tubs of Haagen Daaz and beer + hockey? Like this blog, it is always a struggle between what to share, and what to keep to myself - except here, I don't have a concrete reader list, so I can pretend no one reads. Enough of that derailed train of thought.

It is strange to see who my friends are in the way they are layed out and categorized by institution, affiliation and relationship. And how 'friend' is defined in the context of the site. Most are classmates, acquaintances and people I aspire to get to know better.

Contextualized identity ... those who are not on facebook are not included - so the picture of who i am in terms of my network is skewed...at least to the outside world. Is this a meaningful space for me? Or just a mapping? Can I develop relationships here with colleagues that I may not have in other forums (email, mailing lists, the conference 'circuit' as my partner calls it). It offers more information about me than I may have shared with some people, while not enough I would have shared with others.

I don't know how long I will maintain my FaceBook space .. the representation of me that talks for me while I am away... It is strange to watch everyone else's business. I can see all the activity of my friends too - who they become friends with and what they've added or removed from their profiles. For this reason, my daughter is still contemplating whether or not to add me to her friend list. I know that she has my friend's son on her list too ... I could see his activity with her... The web that this all weaves may be too sticky.

To-Do List 2.0

2007-04-01T22:32:00.000-04:00

Sunday night, as good of a time as any to take stock of what is on my plate for the next few weeks, and the year's bigger plan. Now that I have happily procrastinated over the last 3 weeks (a few god books scratched off of my 'to read' list), I have to look at what's left and what is coming.

My thesis defense is in 9 days. I am oddly mellow about it, even though I have not really put any serious ink to paper. It's not that I am not nervous - I am not looking forward to the whole song and dance. I am scared to be asked a question that I cannot answer, or that I get confused when answering it. But I am at a loss as to what exactly I shoud be working on.

Which brings me to the rest of my incomplete to-do list. I should also be working on my PhD thesis proposal due May 1st. I need to sit down, and think deeply about what direction I want to head in, as I apply to a Doctorate in Cinematography...

Shanly Dixon and I have to get cracking on reading a body of literature that neither of us are too familiar with for our recently accepted joint paper for AoIR 8.0. Outside both of our specific fields of study, we are looking at the social role of university course websites. The good thing is that both of us have used these sites as students and in teaching positions, so drawing inward an working out, we both hope it will be a fun learning experience about another facet of technology that impacts our lives.

Finally, we are gearing up to get a publication on the way from the Trials & Tribulations digital research methods symposium from last fall (the link is on the sidebar, I am currently too lazy to link it again). Hopefully my fall semester will leave me some time to do the side projects that seem to drive me.

Origins, Control & Understanding

2007-03-29T10:55:00.000-04:00

In response to another post, I ask - Is the debate really about the origin story and a human desire to 'control' all that is outside of them? I have been thinking about this, and I've come to think that the majority of research is human-centric, not because of our desire to control, but our desire to understand. The research carried out - even if we are looking at two non-human entities, is still being viewed through a human perspective. Through all attempts to be objective, research is still filtered through the ideology of the researcher, the methods selected by the researcher and ultimately, by determining the results - which, in the case of non-human actors, is an imposed meaning by the human researcher based on the tests, experiments, observations and readings.

I am struggling with this as much as I seem to agree with it. The argument that has been put forth to me is that non-human agents have (potentially) an identity of their own. But from my definitional understanding, identity is attributed meaning attributed. From my understanding, identity - like meaning, is a human construct. A rock is a rock (in all its physicality) whether I say it is or not. It exists outside of my human intervention of definition. But once I call it a rock, I ascribe meaning to its physicality, as the word rock has meaning behind it. So, another question is, is the rock's meaning inherent in its physicality? Does an animal see the same meaning (definitionally speaking of course) as a human would? And how do other rocks see it? I know I am pushing the example a little far, as I know that when my friend speaks of non-human agency and interaction (and identity) she is not really speaking of rocks. But I am having trouble moving away from the idea that as long as it is a human looking at something, it will inevitably be, at its core at least, be human-centric - but not for control, but mere contextualized understanding.

If we, for a moment, forget about origin stories - are we starting in the middle? How far back does an origin story need to go before it blurrs (or spoils) the true phenomena that one is looking to understand? Maybe these questions are contextual? Different answers for the hard sciences and social sciences - since origins may have more meaning, more relevance in one or the other?

I am comforted by the fact that some of the great philosophers spent their entire lives never finding the answers.

*Note: If prompted, I could find references to contextualize some of this - at the moment, it is just an informed, personal ramble.

I am a Sociologist; I study people.

2007-03-28T12:10:00.000-04:00

Always something I have been uncomfortable stating - that I am a sociologist. But now that I am stepping towards convocation again, after 5 years of reading, writing and studying in one field I think I can say it proudly.

I have been working with digital culture and technology as a research focus, and have often read books about cyborg theory (Gray, Harraway, and Niedzviecki) which talk about the fusion of humans and technology. A friend of mine has been walking a slightly different path, looking at non-human agency in digital technology, and we have had many conversations about the possibility of identity and culture without humans. I have not read the literature she has, but my argument always comes back to the "but humans made the AI in the first place" argument, while her retort has often been "but moving past the human.. once it exists, there can be agency without the human". I do not disagree with her, I just have not been wholly convinced yet.

Maybe its the anthropomorphic-centrism instilled in me by modernity, or maybe I'm just being difficult - either way, I stumbled upon an interesting passage last night while reading Hans Christian von Baeyer's Information: The new language of science. Although my personal research interest lays in trying to remove the human from the absolute center of identity in the digital age, the following passage stuck with me - and reminded me that I am a sociologist, and (for now) I study people.

If it is true that the limits on information-processing will turn out to be more human than physical, technological or economic, it is ironic that popular usage makes so much of the prefix 'cyber', as in cyber-cafe, cybersex, cybercrime, and cyberworld. 'Cyber' was introduced into the English language back in the 1950's by Norbert Wiener's world 'cybernetics', which referred to the science of control over systems. He derived it from the Greek kybernetes for helmsman or guide - whose initial K appears in the name of the American academic honour society ΦΒΚ, an acronym for the Greek maxim 'Philosophy, the guide of life'. As we surf the Web for the latest high-tech magic, it pays to remember the human roots of the word. A cybership without a human steersman is a vessel without control. [p. 8]

Indeed, it is human-centric - but for as long as I am studying cultures and identities (both human constructs) I think it's ok to start from the inside out. This is not to say that there is not agency sans humans, but the question is, can culture and identity exist without the human? Perhaps I need to start with defining the difference between agency and identity - a task I have avoided until now.

Blogging & Identity Construction

2007-03-26T10:19:00.000-04:00

The difference between face to face and digital identity construction has been my research focus for the past several years. As I finished reading Malaise of Modernity, I got to thinking about how identity constructed traditionally, in what Taylor calls a 'dialogical' process. Although not new to the idea of identity construction, he situates the process in contemporary society that is becoming increasingly individualised. The jist of the dialogical process of identity construction is that it is a two-way, reciprocal process between the self and the outside world. This follows the symbolic interactionist approach to identity construction as well.

The important point behind the dialogical process is that the individual is confronted with negotiating the actions and behaviors outside of themselves. They are influenced and affected by outside opinions, ideas and morals. The individual internalizes this information and in turn re-negotiates their identity. So far, nothing new here.

But what got me thinking, was Taylor's focus on the alienated individual who becomes more and more seperated from outside influences, as individuals become less politically involved, less socially involved in an increase in self fulfillment over social fulfillment. This got me thinking about the role of blogging in Taylor's view of modern society. It is also no secret that blogging has an impact on the blogger's identity, often being seen as a public space for individuals to work out and negotiate elements of the self (think of Foucault, journals, essays and hupomnemata). But I wonder if blogging is a false dialogical process because of the blurring of the line of public and private within many blog spaces.

What I mean is, I sit here and I blog, knowing full well that it is a public space. Theoretically, I would be tempted to say that by blogging publically, I am participating in a dialogical process between myself and the outside world. But, seeing as there is little feedback in the blogging process, I am really only externally contemplating ideas and issues that are essentially internal - just in a public space. If this is the case, one could argue that blogging offers a false sense of exteriority, only really reinforcing the blogger's position and therefore their identity. Is this a syndrome of an increasingly individualised society? I THINK I am having a conversation with the world, but really its all inside my head?

Moving On

2007-03-22T15:45:00.000-04:00

Well, it's been a week since I submitted my thesis, and I suppose it's time to move on. It took me a few days after submitting to calm down, get rid of the jitters that plagued me every day wondering how my committee was taking to it. A few good days of junk television and hockey games, and it's time to get on with my academic life.

I started last night by tackling the stack of books that I have been buying during my "no read" time. Over the past year, I have been discouraged to read as I was forever being inspired and spiralling out of theoretical control, so in order to focus on narrowing my work, I read only what was necessary to complete my thesis. It was nice to pick up Taylor's Malaise of Modernity. It's short, sweet and written in a simplified dialogue of sorts (it comes from the Massey Lectures).

I will write more on this text and how it sparks questions of contemporary identity and the desire to seek (or create)digital community and identity.

Indeed, before I start theorizing anew, I need to wrap up some gamecode projects and get my PhD apps out there! Ah how tempting procrastination is =)

Another Good Book

2007-03-20T13:39:00.000-04:00

A colleague and good friend of mine, Shanly Dixon; along with Dr. Sandra Weber have an edited volume due out soon called Growing Up Online: Young People and Digital Technologies available for pre-order over at Amazon.com.

From the original flyer:

In this cutting-edge anthology, contributors examine the diverse ways in which girls and young women across a variety of ethnic, socio-economic, and national backgrounds are incorporating and making sense of digital technology in their everyday lives. Contributors explore identity development, how young women interact with technology, and how race, class, and identity influence game play.

The Everquest Reader

2007-03-19T10:51:00.000-04:00

Looking forward to seeing it in print!

From the official website:

"Online role-playing games are one of the most important yet least intellectually understood areas of digital culture. The EverQuest Reader is a collection of new essays that breaks fresh ground in the fast-growing field of games studies by theorising the major themes, ideas and activities surrounding
the online fantasy role-playing game EverQuest, which boasted nearly half a million players at its height and became a landmark of interactive entertainment in the online age.

Contributions come from many of the most respected writer/players in the world of gaming, including exclusive interview material with EverQuest creator Brad McQuaid. While media coverage often portrays online gaming as an addictive vice, The EverQuest Reader suggests it can be usefully seen as a platform for potentially endless social interaction and competition, thus shedding light on one of the defining social phenomena of our time."

Eric Hayot is is Assistant Professor of English at the University of Arizona.

Edward Wesp is Assistant Professor of English at Western New England College.

THE EVERQUEST READER

Edited by Eric Hayot and Edward Wesp

July 2007

224 pages

Cod of War

2007-03-18T11:10:00.000-04:00

From sex and violence to ... violence in a fish costume? Yes, indeed! After finishing the game, you are rewarded with being able to replay the game with your full abilities, arsenal and a bonus fish suit. Yup! Kratos pulls up his tights and slithers into a giant fish costume and resumes the vengeful battle. There are other alternate skins (7 to be exact) to be found through completing higher levels and different tasks, but surely none are as great as the "Cod of War"

Free Time, To Do List & God of War 2

2007-03-16T12:34:00.000-04:00

Well, now that my thesis is in the safe and critical hands of my committee, I can pretend to relax, and move on to the other things that have been neglected in my life over the last three months. Indeed, I have to see if I even still have friends - as I noticed this morning that one of them who I have not spoken to since January has changed her phone number!

I have recently been invited to participate in a workshop on PhD applications at the upcoming SAGSA conference. Luckily, I only have to speak for about 10 minutes ... anyone who knows me might laugh at how I might restrain myself - but I still hate the idea of public speaking (but I am getting better at actually doing it once I'm there). Should prove to be interesting as I am talking about applying to the PhD through contacts.

On that note, I have to get to my PhD application for Universite de Montreal, as they have finally opened up their "Doctorat en Etudes Cinematographiques", which closes May 1st. Back to the grind of proposal writing, begging people to write nice letters about me and paying the university to look at my application!

Also on my list, is to put together some sort of print/e-version of the proceedings or related works on research methods from Trials & Tribulations symposium last fall. I always feel so bad that its already March, and this is just getting started now, but I think in this case, its better late than never.

Finally...God of War 2. We bought it the other day, and first of all, I have to say it is beautiful. I really enjoyed watching the first one be played (i am not too good at playing it, as my fingers and brain don't work as fast as the game's combat system requires - unless I want to have a full blown anxiety attack!). Instead of using the controller, I tend to be the backseat player, asking my partner 100 questions and trying to help with the puzzle sequences.

My youngest daughter also loves to watch her father play. (Different generation, different hobbies I guess heh). I must admit, through all the violence and bloodspill, mixed with a vengeful and testorone oozing being that is Kratos , I was none more disturbed at letting my daughter watch the game as when, early in the game, Kratos is dropped into a tranquil pool of water, with many little 'spa' like pools. I encouraged my partner to explore the area, although it looked too quiet for any good battle - surely there had to be something there - else the game would not have dropped him there. Surely enough, he stumbles upon two buxom babes, breasts aheavin' urging Kratos to come nearer. As Kratos gets close and embraces both of them, you seen the camera pan out and to the right, focusing on a cherub water fountain - emulating urination of course. At this point, you are prompted to start pushing the triangle, circle and square button in rapid succession, as well as turning the center controller around and around. As you push the buttons, the cherub's fountain sputters a little to the left and a little to the right - all to the moans of the two ladies. If you do not correctly enter the sequence quick enough, Kratos backs away and one of the women states that she was not finished!

My partner found this quite hilarious - he is the god of war sweety, is what he tells me - surely he deserves some respect! So, he tries again, to see what happens. If you follow the sequence correctly, and quickly enough, the cherub's fountain sputters and then explodes. I was dumbfounded, a little repulsed and quite upset that my daughter (who luckily did not get the reference) found it hilarious that the little cherub was peeing all over the place. Kratos is then rewarded a handsome amount of money for his performance (didnt know the God of War was also a gigilo!)

So far, that is the only sexual reference in the game. But I am both disturbed by its presence, and to my reaction. Why is it ok for my daughter to watch heads being torn off, blood spattering all over. Even though she did not get the reference, why am I so offended by the sexual content and not the violence? Beyond my personal feelings that one need not be explicit to get a point across, I feel that somewhere, the violence should bother me just as much.

Upcoming Graduate Conference

2007-03-14T15:42:00.000-04:00

Concordia's Sociology & Anthropology's Graduate Student Association (SAGSA) is holding is bi-annual student conference, this year titled "Excursions in Anthropology & Sociology". With an opening Keynote with Canada Research Chair in the Comparative Study of Indigenous Rights and Identity at Mcgill, Ronald Niezen. You can check out the preliminary program , there looks to be some very interesting presentations. Happy for me, seems to be lots on identity =)

I am not sure if there is an attendance fee, but it would be worth it is there was.

OMG

2007-03-14T03:48:00.000-04:00

It's printed - all four copies, in neat little piles sitting on my desk.
I am tired, it is late and I am slightly sick to my stomach... but I have been feeling that way the last 2 days as I realize I (was) am close to being done.

Tomorrow, I submit. It is in their hands now.
No fancy words, no waxing poetic - just a huge sigh of wowness...

As the snow melts...

2007-03-12T16:07:00.000-04:00

Just under two weeks from that lovely weather forecast I posted, we are seeing the snow melt with temperatures above as High as 13°C! Almost seemed like a waste of time shovelling all that snow.

Now, formally 42 days behind schedule (still technically ahead of the University's end all deadline for graduation ... but that is assuming my committee wants to read and evaluate in 2-3 weeks!). Everyday I work. Everyday I say that THIS is the day that I print and submit... The more I write, the more I stare at my screen and fiddle with sentences and paragraphs, the further behind I get. I still haven't even looked at fixing my references and bibliography to be pure and strict APA style!

No matter how close to being done I feel, I also feel like I could use another three months (which won't happen but still - a girl can dream!)... (and speaking of dreaming - since WHEN did this girl's dream go from sandy beaches and the right umbrella drink to fantasizing about more work time!?!? Travesty I tell you ... travesty!

Well, enough procrastination for one day - if I worked as much as I whined about working, surely this would be written in the past tense!

I Love Winter

2007-03-01T22:41:00.000-05:00

And this is what I have to look forward to in the days to come. If this isn't an excuse to work, I don't know what is!

Since they are calling for a short winter here, I guess we are getting our customary end of winter blow-out sale early. We are looking at getting up to a foot of snow (30cm) in 24 hours with winds up to 44mph (70kmh). Will make for a nice mess just 48 hours to spring break! Ahhhh to live in this part of Canada you must love the snow - now if I only had a fireplace and a husky St-Bernard...

Hard Work & Procrastination

2007-03-01T13:51:00.000-05:00

Like peanut butter and jelly, hard work and procrastination go hand in hand. Its March 1st, and my thesis is officially one full month behind schedule. It is not like I have not worked on it - and when I have it has been wholly productive for the most part (except those moments when tears trickle down my face in horror and anxiety when looking at my dismantled lit. review). But for the most part, I have been happy with the progress I have made WHEN I've made it.

On the side of procrastination ... there has been a few questions that were distracting me. Like, why do we call it a "leap year" when we actually ADD a day and not skip a day in February? And another deep question to ponder, while eating popcorn one night, taking way too much time looking at each and every popped kernel, I wondered ... Is popcorn like snowflakes? Are there ever two popped in the same shape? And another brain teaser ... How do they make microwave popcorn... I mean, when I first started buying it years ago, it took 4 minutes to pop in my microwave, now the instructions have it down to 2 minutes... and I didnt change my microwave.. so WHAT are they doing to these poor kernels that make em go pop so much faster?

Thank god for Google is all I can say.

On that note - back to work for me!

Thesis Writing 2.0: After the draft

2007-02-13T12:35:00.000-05:00

After meeting with my advisor yesterday, I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I was nowhere near done my thesis regardless of page count. Fooling myself into thinking that I was almost done writing, the meeting was a well needed reality check. Although the "frame" of what I wanted to say is good, it remains a frame. Luckily, every page has comments scribbled in the margins to help me focus on what it was I was really trying to do.

So - my deadline has shifted - March 1st is now what I am aiming for, but after my meeting yesterday, I feel a bit better that the deadline is a soft one - that I might finish earlier, or later, but what really matters is getting what I have to say out of my head and down coherently on paper. It frustrates me that I know what it is I am trying to say - and when in conversation, I can express it in a thousand different ways, but when it comes to organizing it on paper - it gets lost in hundreds of convoluted sentences and misplaced paragraphs.

Indeed, it is a learning process - one that will make me stronger if it doesnt kill me first. Here's to another bout of writing (will have to lay off the DDR for a bit!).

A Slice of Humble Pie

2007-02-06T00:03:00.000-05:00

Over the last three years, those who know me, know that all the research and coursework that I have done has been towards one aim - my MA thesis. When asked, I always spoke confidently of my research topic, and how I had been working towards this goal for the last three years - since the year that I had met my advisor - writing my first paper on Rational Choice Theory and the guild structure in EverQuest (wasn't even that bad really!)

But as deadlines loom, with my coursework over and convocation around the corner (well in a few months, but convocation deadlines loom!), I realize .. I am coming to terms with all the people who told me that the MA thesis was an exercise in mental capacity - that freaking out was all part of the process and that it is meant to challenge what I thought I wanted out of all of this. That if it doesn't do this, then ... well... most had nothing left to say since in all their experiences (this coming from more than one seasoned academic veteran and a student or two) everyone goes through moments of self doubt. Even the most prepared student who thinks they have it all under control SHOULD face some sort of moment of reckoning - thats what it is all about. I thought I was above that ... I thought I had prepared properly.

Well, to all those who have tried to tell me ... I get it now... As a good friend (and my relative second advisor) said, its like when someone who hasn't had children tells you what they WOULD do in terms of child rearing .... yup - as a mom of two, I can relate to that analogy. You never really know till you get there.

So I want to acknowledge that as I submit my first (incomplete) draft, sipping the last of my wine, I understand now. Thank you for being there through my arrogance. The pie is settling well.

Final Fantasy Thoughts

2007-02-02T12:29:00.000-05:00

Yesterday while meandering through the aisles of the game store, searching for something to play now that we have finished Final Fantasy XII, we found Final Fantasy VII: The Dirge of Cerebrus. The story line takes place after the events of FFVII and FF Advent Children. Same beautiful animation, the tale of yet another character in the massive narrative that is the Final Fantasy dynasty but with a different type of gameplay. For some it is a welcome change, and for others not so much:

Dirge of Cerberus tells the interesting story of a memorable video game character, but beyond that it's nothing more than a very generic shooter. (www.gamespot.com)

As a very novice player of the FF series, I enjoy watching the game more than I do playing it (I have always had a hard time managing one character, let alone 4!). Last night, as my partner was playing the game in the living room, my daughters and I watching the cinematics between battles, I started to wonder about a few things.

In a game as complex as any of the Final Fantasy games, where one can complete the game per se but with only 53% completion rate, what does that do for the cinematics/cut scenes? In the class I took with Bernard Perron last year at the Universite de Montreal (Cinema, jeu video et fiction interactif), there was discussion about the use and purpose of cut scenes within the context of game-play.

I wonder - are the cut scenes dependent on your play choices in a series such as FF or do the cut scenes drive your play choics? If cut scenes were there to drive the narrative of the play along, but you can complete the game, with (i believe) the same ending at 53% or 99%, what role does your play really ... play? By taking different play paths in the game, are the cinematics organized differently? Or does the play navigate the player to the relevant cut scene to further the narrative? How many scenes were missed if I finish the game at 53% and what extras do I get at 99%? And do they even matter if the narrative winds the same way at either percentage to the same final scene? I don't know if this really makes sense - please feel free to clarify - by all means actually!

Finally - as a spectator, we enjoy the cut scenes in the Final Fantasy series, and for us (my daughter's and I) we often urge my partner to hurry up and get to the end of the fight so we can see what is next, I wonder if there are online versions of each games cut scenes sewn together to make a film of sorts. And if so, how congruent are they (or would they be) in this case?

Revolution Schmevolution

2007-02-02T12:28:00.000-05:00

Seems the cbc documentary was a bit (or maybe alot) of a bust. Check out the gamecode blog for a detailed review (and a few comments).

Gamer Revolution

2007-02-01T14:24:00.000-05:00

Part one airing tonight at 8:00pm eastern, on the CBC, a documentary called "Gamer Revolution" which looks at:

How computer games are transforming the world. Gamer Revolution is a groundbreaking leap into pop culture's new dark continent, an intelligent, pop savvy, and visually stunning compendium of everything you need to know about game culture. A long overdue look at a business and a cultural phenomenon that is changing not only the way we play-but quite possibly the way we live.

Get a "Nicktropolis" Life

2007-01-30T07:11:00.000-05:00

What is being touted as a kind of "Second Life for kids", Nickelodeon's "Nicktropolis" is a place where:

Children will be able to create their own personalized 3D rooms on the site, which launches on Tuesday, and move through Nicktropolis by taking on a self-designed 3D avatar similar to those on popular virtual world Second Life, choosing from an array of hairstyles, skin tones and clothing styles.

The site will feature gaming, online video, popular Nickelodeon brands and other elements to help children interact with each other or Nickelodeon characters in
real time.

You can read more about the marketing ploy masked as social software for kids here and here.

8-bit Screening

2007-01-29T14:49:00.000-05:00

Another interesting upcoming event well worth the time and $8 (for IGDA members, $10 for non-members) cover, is the screening of the documentary 8Bit at the "Society for Arts and Technology on February 17th. The evening also includes dj's and cocktails For more detailed information check out the SAT's website.

Excerpted from the advert 8Bit is:

A visually and sonically dynamic mix of rockumentary, art expose, and critical exploration, 8 Bit is the definitive documentary about video games and their intersection with the art world and culture at large.
By weaving together arcane histories of digital subterfuge, candid interviews with cutting-edge artists and theorists, wild videogame concerts, and highlights from the best digital artwork being made today, 8 BIT: A Documentary about Art and Videogames exposes the cultural ramifications of video games and proposes that Generation X’s coming to grips with its digital heritage signals the beginning of a new social and artistic reality.

Winter Wonderland

2007-01-25T07:11:00.000-05:00

On my walk home from the University yesterday, I walked past this ice building in front of a local eatery, restaurant garcon. As temperatures dip well below zero (minus 19 celcius this morning - "feels like" minue 27 with the wind chill factor) I know that winter is here full on.

Seeing this ice entrance to the restaurant reminded me how much I love my four seasons, and would never trade the cold months of winter for a never ending summer.

(sorry, its not very clear, its a phonecam pic)

Video Game Orchestra

2007-01-23T07:27:00.000-05:00

An interesting article here about Edmonton's Orchestra playing to a full house - video game classics no less.

Relax, Its in the Stars

2007-01-19T14:01:00.000-05:00

It has been many years since I have taken a horoscope seriously or have been moved by one, but this week's, found in the local weekly free newspaper the Mirror, I read this:

To Create a pearl, an oyster needs an aggravating parasite inside its shell. It builds layers of calcium carbonate around the invader, gradually fabricating the treasure. How long does it take from the initial provocation to the finished product? Five years for a pearl of average size, and as many as 10 years for a big one. I hope that puts into perspective the tenacious work you're doing on your own master project, Libra. It may seem sometimes as if you've been striving to transform your irritant for an eternity, but you're actually right on schedule.

For anyone who knows me, I am at the end of writing my Master's thesis - and this horoscope seems quite eerily apropos.

MySpace & Parental Responsibility

2007-01-18T18:45:00.000-05:00

Over the last year or so, I have been hearing stories of parents sueing MySpace for not protecting their children adequately from predators, the latest one coming from four families from different parts of the United States. When I read articles like this one, I have a tendency to get quite irate. Like so many other issues in our 'civilized' world, when bad things happen, we need someone to blame.

Interestingly, Law & Order did a show on a crime that occured that was linked to a "BFriendz" social networking site. I was impressed with how they doled out responsibility on the show - citing that the company did have to be more legally responsible; especially when complaints are filed, but when the parents were crying that they couldnt have done anything, good 'ole McCoy stated that indeed, they could have, seeing as their daughter's internet activity happened in their home, on their computer. That as parents, they have a responsibility to know what their children are doing on the very public World Wide Web. Again, to be fair to the differences of the actual cases and the television show, the daughter in the show was not the victim.

I don't want to be someone who said that the victims involved in the crimes detailed in this article were asking for what happened to them, no one deserves to be harmed. But what I don't understand, is why the onus lies on the company and not the parents for these bad things. I don't want to be mean-spirited towards those involved but as a mother two web using daughters, I understand that it is my responsibility to make sure that I know what my children are up to when on the internet. For partly this reason, our 'family' computer is in our living room, in plain view of our everyday activities.

There is no parental control on the internet - believing (sadly perhaps) in a panoptic type of surveillance. My children know that I may not ask what they are doing on every click, but I reserve the right to read over their shoulder at my discretion. Sure, they don't like it - but they understand that its better than the alternative. It allows them to make decisions on their own, and we talk regularly about what is acceptable behavior online and what is not. I check their favorites, and google my children's name from time to time as well - they know this and usually behave accordingly.

To be fair, it has not always been a perfect rose colored journey, I have caught my daughter pretending to be a year or two older than she actually is. And in those cases, we have talked about the consequences of doing so. As well as the golden rule of not sharing our personal information such as last names, addresses, the city we live in or the school they go to. I have been told, by friends, that it is different because I study social issues in technology, am technologically advanced, am open minded, have a close relationship with my children. Shouldn't this be the norm and not the exception??

The question that I have is, if this were to happen in a coffee shop - where a teenage girl met a man who she befriended (because you cannot be 'friends' or meet people on MySpace without having some communication with them - especially if the user is underage). If they were to meet in a coffee shop - a public, social place where networking happens, and something bad happened to the girl as a result would the owner of the coffee shop be liable? As an extreme example, they have already dismissed gun manufacturors as responsible if one of their guns were used in a crime - is this any different?

Do the parents feel that they had any part in what happened? Did the predators hack their computers and find out where they lived? I don't know - to me, there are just so many other questions and places to point the finger - maybe we just have to point more than one finger ... I don't know, but when I read things like this, it makes me sad.

/rant off

Thesis Writing

2007-01-17T15:10:00.000-05:00

The time has come for me to buckle down and put all my words from mouth to paper. A project that I have been working on for what feels like forever, my Master's thesis has become the largest and most complex jigsaw puzzle I have ever had to put together.

For years, all of my work was designed to speak to this moment, but what is the most difficult is that although the topics were related, I realize that it was impossible to know exactly what form my thesis would take until I started writing it. So the 40 page literature review that I did a while back is only good now for the experience of writing a lengthy review of a body of literature. All the books that I have read, the articles that I perused, require new introspection to fit the final structure of ideas that came about only because I had written all those papers around the same topic.

On that note, I am on page 50 of 100-ish, so much more writing and editing to do - must...not...get...distracted.../google!

Upcoming GameCODE Event

2007-01-17T12:24:00.000-05:00

Although due to tight deadlines and struggling thesis writing, I will not be able to attend, there is an upcoming gameCODE event that looks like alot of fun. Details below:

A Montreal Game Studies Symposium: Guitar Hero: Playing at Playing Guitar

Friday, January 26th 1-5pm

Hall Building rm 1120

Concordia University

1455 de Maisonneuve Blvd. W.

Montreal

A video game does not have not have to tap a prevailing moral panic to engage scholarly critique. Our case in point this year is Guitar Hero (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guitar_Hero). This immensely popular game combines familiar features of digital game play, music play and fan culture to produce an intriguing new media form that challenges game studies, music studies and digital culture studies scholars to think again about issues of gameplay, interface and embodied play, performance and spectacle, player culture and game audiences, game design and markets, musicality and authenticity, sound simulation, play and the magic circle, cognition and skill, and nostalgia and cultural fantasy.

In our continued effort to develop Montreal game studies around interdisciplinary engagements with shared objects of inquiry. We announce that the Montreal Game Studies Symposium for 2007 will focus on the Guitar Hero franchise. The symposium will be held on Friday January 26th from 1-5 pm. The event will feature head-to-head competition on Guitar Hero 2 and a series of short talks and discussion from invited scholars in the Montreal area.

Everyone is invited to attend the event and no prior experience with the game is necessary. If you do play GH or GH2 and would like to participate in the symposium competition then please contact Bernard Perron (perronb@total.net) who will sign you up.Any other questions can be directed to the organizers, Bart Simon (simonb@alcor.concordia.ca) and/or Bernard Perron (perronb@total.net).

Perception of Avatars

2007-01-11T12:34:00.000-05:00

Alot of my research centers around the construction and maintenance of avatars in video games. There has been alot written about the desire for female gamers to have avatar options in single player games that represent them in game play. Although Lara Croft offered them a female avatar to navigate, there has been rumblings about her over the top design, being more for the male players than for the female players.

But this isnt really my point. Again, on the dance dance revolution note - the other night (of which the last 2 posts are based on) there was a bit of an avatar disagreement between myself and my oldest daughter. When we were selecting the avatars to be displayed on the screen, I had asked her to set it to female avatar rotation only. For myself, this was a gendered decision - I am a female and therefore saw the avatar on the screen as some sort of representation of myself within the gamespace (no matter how animated). My daughter - in stark contrast, fought for the male avatar rotation only (cause they are cute to look at). For her, the avatar on the screen was a spectacle, for me a representation of self. Humourously, when I made my request for an all female case, my daughter inquired if i was "switching"! (sexually speaking of course).

Which made me come back to the idea that (*warning: broad, sweeping generalization to follow) men prefered avatars they could watch. We see this alot in mmo's where guys choose female avatars that are hot and many have claimed to me that 'if i am going to play 30 hours+ a week, i want a hot booty to look at'. Often, women choose avatars that represent themselves (whether consciously of subconsciously) or they choose a male avatar to avoid the sexualized social interaction that often happens when playing a female avatar.

So, with my daughter's reaction to my desire to have an all female DDR cast, I wonder, does the desire to represent ourselves online and in game spaces a generational thing?

Just Briefly...

2007-01-10T09:50:00.000-05:00

After writing my little post on DDR, I was wondering about the notion of cheating in games like DDR, eyetoy games and the like. The study of cheating in games has a solid place in Game Studies, and for the most part, I have agreed with both sides of the debate (although surely there are many other sides than two) - that cheating affects the integrity of the game, and of the play itself. In social games such as mmo's, cheating damages the 'social imagination' of other players and creates and imbalance of play opportunities. The other side of that argument is that it is just a game, and therefore cheating (if remotely possible, is indeed "allowed" through its design) is not bad but just another way to play.

So, do the social games mentioned above fit into this argument on cheating? Is it only when the play is competitive that it matters? Or collective? .... Why do we care about cheating in games (besides the research angle)? If a group playing a particular game all agree to bend or alter the rules for the sake of entertainment, is it still "cheating"? And is there any difference between digital/video games and traditional social games (board games, cards etc.)?

Dance Dance Revolution

2007-01-09T21:43:00.000-05:00

A gift we bought for my youngest daughter, has become one of the social focal points in my home (and those I've travelled to who own a ps2) since Christmas morning. As much as I have enjoyed playing mmorpg's on my pc, there is something completely different in the gameplay with physically interactive games like the eye-toy, ddr and guitar hero. They remind me much more of the 'jeux de societé' (or duly called board games in english) we used to play as a family. Although you can play alone (yes, sadly, I have been known to play scrabble alone pre-pc days!), the fun comes from playing in a group. The game is designed for single player, or competition mode (with 2 mats), but cooperative play is possible if you ignore the design of 'game mode'.

Along with the game mode, there is a stellar master mode, this allows you to unlock different avatars (for spectators to watch, since the player has little time to look at anything but the scrolling arrows), and new songs to dance to. Each 'level' is designed as a planet, and the points are based on cumulative dance sessions in packets of three.

After a few weeks of playing on beginner mode, tonight we decided to play on "basic" (the second of 4 levels - beginner, basic, difficult & expert), figuring we were getting the hang of the movement and the pace of the game. After a few miserable failures, and one physical break down, where a friend, after struggling with the speeding arrows passing her by, chose to simply lay down on the dance mat and roll around the arrows hoping one or two would hit.

So many ways to "play" this game outside of the proposed design. My daughter and said friend played 4 feet 1 dance mat, each person choosing 2 arrows that they would control - sadly, even in all of the chaos, their score was higher than mine was ...

Although many of the questions I am thinking are elementary in terms of game studies, I am curious as to how these games (ddr, guitar hero, wii et. al) fit into the 'social' study of games. In terms of studying player interaction in physical spaces via the technology they are playing in and with, do these games pose questions different than socially dependent games like mmo's?

For now, I will try not to think too much and concentrate on the flurry of arrows that will surely pass by in my dreams.

Where it's at

2007-01-08T10:05:00.000-05:00

Yet another reason to have done my PhD in Copenhagen, we need more courses like this around here!

Welcome, Another Year

2007-01-07T17:09:00.000-05:00

Finally back from being on holiday, a nice visit with my family always rejuvenates me. But now it is time to start another year, make a new to-do list for the next 4 months and work towards crossing things off. Finish my thesis, finish phd applications, and blog more are the top three things that are crying for a big black line to be blasted right through them.

Resolutions, as cliché as they may be, are as follows: return to the gym from a 2 year hiatus, eat better (which is directly linked to the first one) spend more time with my family, as my daughter's turn 11 and 15 this year, I am realizing that they will not be home for a whole lot longer. And finally, to dedicate myself to my work (less procrastination). At least I dont have to give up smoking!

Here's to a new year!

Holiday Wishes

2006-12-24T11:38:00.000-05:00

There are many ways to wish those we know a happy holiday. But I must be honest and say that I could not compose a holiday wish post any better than what I read here. So, click, read and enjoy the time we have together.

Post-Human?

2006-12-15T07:10:00.000-05:00

After reading this news story of a Quebec man who has received a mechanical heart and therefore no longer has a pulse or a measurable blood pressure. In some ways, this drives at the question of what does it mean to be human. I am both fascinated and boggled.

(*more on this after I have my coffee)

As the pendulum swings...

2006-12-14T23:06:00.000-05:00

Back to the holidays, as I prepare for my 8th annual (wow!) holiday party this weekend, I have been busy in the kitchen, whipping up a feast of holiday treats - my mother was always adamant about her 'holiday baking' - a very fond childhood memory indeed. Since most of my time during the year is spent between my children, school, my work (paid bits) and other life duties, it is feels like a luxury to be able to spend the day (or days as it has been over the last week) in the kitchen making these, these, these, these, and these for those who don't have a sweet tooth (i cannot forget my mother's pecan banana bread too!).

New Reading

2006-12-13T23:15:00.000-05:00

As I procrastinate the actual writing process of my thesis, I have found myself reading something new - something I was told I was not allowed to do until my thesis was completed. But I could not help myself. The book has been sitting on my shelf for over 6 months (i cannot believe that I took this book out of the library in March, and not one person has recalled it on me!). Nonetheless, in order to prep my brain for thinking deeper than holiday recipes and new decor ideas for my new house, I cracked open the pages and started reading. I am not sure how helpful it will be for THIS thesis (good thing I have one more left!), but the ideas in it move me. The idea that our longing for a technological state of being has been with us much longer than today's virtual revolution gives credit - as Ihde puts it, techno-fantasies has been a part of human culture since at least the thirteenth century with Francis Bacon.

In this book, Ihde, who is a 'phenomenological materialist' , seeks to understand the current state of the relationship between the body and technology. The impacts of ideas (perhaps even moreso than actual occurences) of virtual reality, embodiement and the internet.

Although I am not done the book, it is taking me in a direction that I have been craving for. A desire to think about games, technology and the self on a relative philosophical level ... on a level that has no answers, but only digs up more questions about who we are as a culture and society, what drives us and how long it has been so much the same even though it seems like things are changing at light speed.

More than you bargained for

2006-12-09T11:23:00.000-05:00

If anyone has balked at the price of the next gen console games, and all the add ons that come with it - you might want to think about starting a small savings fund for other, unforseen expenses that come with your new console. Check out this site for potential Wii hazaards.

Holiday Game Giving

2006-12-09T11:10:00.000-05:00

As Christmas approaches, I am faced with the seasonal crowds shoving their way into the already small local EBGames store. I am also challenged with what games to get for who this year (usually this is a neverending list!). I have not made it into the lucky Wii club, and shiver at the price of an Xbox 360 let alone a PS3, I notice that the list of hot new games for PS2 is alot shorter now that the competition has shifted to the greener pastures of next gen consoles.

My list seems a little dated, as my oldest daughter requested the Sims2 for her gameboy advanced; Dance Dance Revolution Supernova for my youngest daughter and games like Jade Empire for my partner. Is the offerings really that slim these days?

We always say "It would never happen to me..."

2006-12-06T14:53:00.000-05:00

When we think of bad things that happen to people, our first reaction (if we were to be honest with ourselves) is that "it would never happen to me". Indeed, we can think of 101 tragedies that always seem to happen to someone we know, or someone we read about etc. etc. My recent 'it would never happen to me' moment, was less tragic than most, but I was nonetheless victim of my own arrogance of things happening only to other people.

I pay $29.99/mo. for my internet connection - not the best of prices I am sure, but I have had this account since cable internet was first available in my area. At one time, that account was "limitless" buffet connection. One flat rate for as much as you can stuff in your mouth. Over the last few years, that has changed (but sadly the price has not). I am allowed 20g of downloads, and 10g of uploads... usually not a problem since we don't download movies, rarely do we file share or buy music online. Although I was informed today that my WOXY.com daily habit could potentially blow my limit (although I cannot imagine how). Today I received my monthly cable bill to notice that there was $30 extra dollars in over-my-limit usage fees. Looking at the numbers, I was astonished, some days as much as 2gigs of downloaded material (for a surpassed amount of 11gigs of downloads).

My first instinct was to call the cable company and ask WTH! but after repeating my birthdate and address for "security" reasons, the tech support on the other end asks - "do you run a wireless router ma'am?"... why, "yes I do" I reply. He then asks me to click on it and read him what it says... a few mouse clicks later... I sheepishly read aloud "WLAN. Unsecured Wireless Connection; Firewalled". "Ahhh" he says - it seems that since October 23rd, you have had someone piggybacking on your wireless - and they were making sure they got the most out of it.
Sadly, there is nothing can do since it was an unsecured network. But "please ma'am make sure you secure it soon if you do not wish to support the neighborhood's downloading habits".

The sad ... ironic... frustrating thing is, is that I live with a tech person. One who studied Internet Security & Networking (of which we paid a fortune for!) and have friends who work in security & networking for a few big companies. My partner has hooked up a secured network for several of my friends. It is not out of the inability to know what we were doing that I did not have a secured network - but rather, out of laziness; out of 'always getting around to our own stuff last'; and more than likely, out of the "it would never happen to me" blase attitude some of get when nothing bad ever happens.

Guess its time to secure these networks and let free wireless groups support the neighborhood.

Settling In

2006-12-03T15:20:00.000-05:00

I am sitting here in front of my new 10 foot window watching the snow fall while at my computer. Over the past seven years, I have not had the luxury of large, clear windows. As we settle into our new home, I am inspired to work, write, clean and decorate for the holidays. When I find what box my computer wires in, I might even post a picture or two. Lets hope this surge of inspiration lasts over the next two months, so that I can write a fantabulous thesis =)

Gears of War

2006-11-28T11:57:00.000-05:00

One of the best commercials I have seen for a game in a while. Every time it comes on, we all go silent and watch the dark visuals slink by to the haunting sounds of this song. (the extended version is pretty good too). When we first heard it, there was a feeling of eerie familiarity - then I found out it was originally done by Tears for Fears in '83...

And according to the game guru in this house, the gameplay is absolutely amazing and the graphics are stunning.

Another Milestone

2006-11-27T20:32:00.000-05:00

As the year comes to an end, I have passed another milestone in my life - home owner. We have purchased a nice, ground floor 7 1/2 apartment with a large (relative for Montreal) yard, built in 1925 with all the original wood work. In all my adult years, living in and around downtown Montreal, I never thought we would actually own anything, and had made peace long ago with being resigned to paying rent for life. And now, that has all changed... it is weird to think about home ownership in the city. Growing up, I always thought about owning a home to mean a two story house with a front yard, a garden and a forest in the back. Noise was not a factor when you "owned your own place" and now, being a city girl for more than 10 years, owning your own home has nothing to do with noise level but everything to do with resale value, not paying out to the proverbial man and renovating for yourself and not some money grubber....

All in all, it has been quite a busy what with the CGSA in September, my mother's second wedding in October, the Trials & Tribulations symposium in November, and buying a condo (moving is worse than I remember!). But at least I now have my own office (once I unpack it) to write my thesis in a sunny sunny beautiful room of my own.

Back to work!

Symposium PR

2006-11-23T17:30:00.000-05:00

What started out as a small symposium driven by our interest in the uniqueness of digital research methods (as space & tool). When all was said and done, as mentioned a few posts ago, the symposium was deemed a success on several levels by all those who attended. Each person walked away with a different idea and some (like myself) walked away inspired. I was happy today to find an article in the Concordia Journal about the symposium. It feels strange to read about it from a journalist's perspective.

Since we were talking methods..and other stuff

2006-11-17T18:24:00.000-05:00

I just bought Zygmunt Bauman's "Identity" book and was reading the introduction by Benedetto Vecchi. I really liked the way Vecchi described Bauman's method.

...the methodology he brings to bear on the subject aims above all to 'reveal' the myriad connections between the object under investigation and other manifestations of life in human society. Indeed, this sociologist of Polish origin finds it essential to gather the 'truth' of every feeling, lifestyle and collective behavior. This is only possible if you analyse the social, cultural and political context in which a particular phenomenon exists as well as the phenomenon itself" [p. 2]

What it means to be a sociologist:

For a sociologist, this means perceiving sociology not as a discpline 'separate' from other fields of knowledge, but as providing the analytical tool to establish a lively interaction between it and philosophy, social psychology, and narrative. [p.3]

And finally from identity to nostalgia:

...recourses to identity should be considered an ongoing process of redefining oneself and of the invention and reinvention of one's own history. This is where we find the ambivalence of identity: nostalgia for the past together with complete accordance with 'liquid modernity' [p. 7]

Is it simply the nature of digital research?

2006-11-13T20:19:00.000-05:00

One of the things that struck me during the symposium, is that the majority (although not all) of the research methods we discussed reflected some form of auto-ethnographic work. During a small conversation with Jeffrey Bardzell, I proposed that it was because of the nature of digital research - it was done 'through a computer'. He was as confused as I was by my own question.

I have been wondering, was the large portion of auto-ethnographic work due to the fact that it was a social sciences and humanities based crowd? Or was it due to the fact - as was my thought - that the "field site" is essentially a solitary space or rather, because entry to the field site is done through a computer, which implies some sort of personal element? I know this is not very clear... how to rephrase this ....

Does alot of digital community and play research start with the researcher because the nature of the research requires that they researcher bear some level of participant in order to observe the phenomena they are studying?

Any ideas on this would be great, as I am trying to put my finger on why so much work that I read in digital studies (that is non quantitative) starts from the inside out.

Researching my digital self – whose identity is it anyway?

2006-11-12T21:35:00.000-05:00

After hearing the in progress and messy methodological issues of some of my most respected colleagues, I am inspired to get my hands dirty again, eager to move forward with a project I had once felt was methodologically difficult.

After Marci Araki’s presentation on Saturday at the T&T symposium, I was reminded of the never-ending nagging question that my thesis advisor has been annoying me with for the past 2 years – whose identity are we talking about. Ms. Araki’s presentation demonstrated the fluid interchangedness of identity (play) that any gamer or ‘virtual world’ participant experiences when they become deeply immersed in the world they are in, through the skin of their avatar. There was some contemplation of identification between herself and her avatar – how was she to refer to herself, and her avatar when speaking about her experiences in Second Life. Admitting that the in-world experiences were her avatar’s, yet she experienced them through her, but not necessarily as her completely. This idea that the experiences are shared experiences with our physical and virtual selves is originally what my work had been aiming towards defining… the player/avatar relationship. Negating the idea that the avatar is simply a conduit or a vehicle for the player to be embodied within the game space (and I do include Second Life in the scope of games but only in that it is a space of entertainment), there is indeed something bigger happening than a simple navigation tool. However, my conundrum has been a methodological one. How can I get to the intangible relationship between the player and their avatar without delving into psychology literature?

For quite some time, I had abandoned the task, and instead have been working on another part of my digital identity project (namely elaborating and describing – in detail, the process of identity construction in mmog’s). But Marci’s talk, along with the rest of the symposium’s inspiring presentations, pushed me to work on finding a method that would get allow me to work towards finding an answer in how to look at the player/avatar relationship, aiming towards defining “whose identity” it is when I am always talking about “identity construction in mmog’s”.

To begin, I have decided to follow in the footsteps of many of the presenters at T&T, and begin with an autobiographical approach. I have decided to sit down and write a reflexive autobiography of my game play that led me to develop my avatar. From my perspective, my version of events – that will inevitably include non game related events to contextualize the events and circumstances that occurred within the game space. As a separate document, knowing that Velixious, my barbarian shaman for many years in EverQuest does not possess memory, she possesses a history nonetheless. My aim will be to recount her story – contextualize her life within the scope of her events. It is then my hope to be able to take both documents, lay them beside each other, and look at how they intertwine. From there, I hope to be able to define the relationship between myself as a player with outside influences, and myself as a barbarian shaman, with in-game influences that impact identity of each ‘self’ equally.

Trials & Tribulations - an ending with a smile

2006-11-11T23:37:00.000-05:00

It is over. The conference - or rather - symposium, that I have been organizing with my colleague, on digital research methods. I would like to post in depth about the presentations and the discussions, but I will do so when I am rested and refreshed.

It has been a wonderful marathon. We could not have asked for anything more. The detail oriented (or obsessive compulsive as some might say) tendencies that my colleague and I both possess paid off greatly. But most of all, it was stimulating and inspiring - it motivated me to work rigorously on the sprint to the finish line of my MA. I was inspired by the friendliness, the collaborative - ness (if thats a word) and overall shared perception of what we all wanted the symposium to be and made it so. As it was small (we had at most 35 people I believe) - people stayed for every panel, participated in the social events and quite honestly, really connected. In some ways, I am very sad that it is over. But very very (ad infinitum) happy that we, Shanly and I brought this to the table and it was brought to life by each and every person who attended the symposium.

Fan vs Puck Bunny....why?

2006-11-08T06:58:00.000-05:00

Last night, as we watched the Montreal Canadiens win the game in a shoot out, my daughter eagerly checked the teams stats online between commercials. It is great to see her so enthusiastic about hockey. I grew up watching it with my dad, and although my partner has no interest in hockey, it feels nice to sit with my daughter and watch a good game.

There is only one problem that has been bugging me lately though. My daughter loves the game, she loves following the stats, and reads The Hockey News to keep up to date with how each player and team are doing. All in all, she is an avid hockey fan. But often, when I talk to people about her love of the game - the automatic response I have been getting is "Oh, she is a puck bunny"..... the first time I heard it, I chuckled. The second and third time, I started to wonder what they meant, and now - it simply irritates me that they see her this way and not as a fan.

If she was a boy, with even less passion for the game, she would simply be called a fan - why then, determined by her gender - is her fandom assumed to be sexually motivated and not simply for the love of a game that she grew up watching with her mother and grandfather?

Down to the Wire

2006-11-05T10:47:00.000-05:00

When I look at my calendar, I cannot believe that it is already November. It seems like a month that has been in the distant future holding the end point of many plans. We have been planning Trials & Tribulations since February. So much has gone into the planning, but now it comes down to the last few days of scrambling to make sure everything goes off without a hitch - in less than a week, something that has consumed me on so many levels will be over. I am both excited to reach the finish line, and nervous that I am getting used to this pace of life, and will not know what to do with myself once it is over. I am sure writing my thesis in 2 months should keep me busy - one would think - but I have yet to do only one thing at a time!

November also brings my moving date into our very first "home". We purchased a wonderful "condo" (really a ground floor apartment much like the one that we live in but better!) and we get the keys on November 20th. We will have 10 days to move - luckily it is across the street and two buildings down from where I am now. Again, a bittersweet move. Of course I am ecstatic to FINALLY be living in a place that I own. We will have a nice size yard (relative to city living of course) where I can finally bring my laptop out and work with my coffee without fear of being hit up for change. But I have been living where I am now for 7 and a half years. The longest I have lived anywhere in my life (including when I lived with my parents). So in some ways, I am sad to leave this apartment. But surely that will only last a day or two once we get into the new place. Surely the big sunny room that will be my office erase any sadness =)

Hopefully - these changes will help me focus on my last large academic hurdle of my MA. I have been avoiding sitting down and committing to it for many reasons. I know I have my PhD to spill over into, but it seems that my MA thesis has been the driving force behind almost all of my work for the last three years.

Marx & Engels

2006-10-26T09:15:00.000-04:00

We are innocent - or so the caption reads.
Thank you Kathleen for bringing this back for me - priceless =)

Milestones, Deadlines and Moving On

2006-10-25T08:11:00.000-04:00

Another autumn is drizzling its way by. The sky is dark when we wake up in the morning, and lately, it is getting dark by the time we get home. It is not that my workdays have gotten any longer, but the days are getting shorter. With daylight savings time coming up next week (the 29th fyi), falling back might help waking up in the morning a bit easier the for the short amount of time that I can convince myself that I am going to bed an hour ealier every night. It will be a weird year to remember in terms of milestones - happy ones at least. My mother got remarried in October, and we bought our first piece of property here in the city (sign the papers in November), and sadly, I have had to admit that soft beds are for youngens (bye bye featherbed 'o mine) ... signs of growing up I guess =)

In the wee hours of this morning, I finished my SSHRC application (trying to convince the government that my research is worth funding) due today. Although the chances are slim in winning one, I decided to put in the effort (was shady there for a while but I pulled through thanks to some Spiced Rum and a good friend). With the rising of the sun this morning, I felt the weight of another deadline passing lift off of my shoulders. My grading is done a week in advance for the class i am TA'ing for so that feels good. I am behind on my 12 week thesis plan, but at least I have an infusion of inspiration from the SSHRC application.

Letting go - always a hard thing to do. Whether its your favorite sweater or a project you were really hoping to do, sometimes we just need to let go of lost opportunities and things. Trying to figure out the balance of what is worth fighting for and what is better left alone. It is a tough lesson to learn - one I am always trying to teach my daughters. But it is a very finicky line; one that I am not too clear on more often than not, which usually results in making things worse instead of better. But as I am often reminded, I am but a youngen, I still have many years to learn. (Why can't I still be young when it comes to my sleeping habits dammit!).

Moving on is as hard as letting go. But with milestones and deadlines, at least the momentum is a forward one. Soon the holidays will be here, my family will be around me again and I can spend time on what really matters to me. My thesis will be submitted in January and I can take stock and re-evaluate in the new year.

The future of my research: Gaming with Mii, myself and I

2006-10-13T10:03:00.000-04:00

Last year, I had a conversation with Mike about the role of the avatar, identity and ownership in mmog's. One suggestion that he had at the time, or question - was why we could not have an avatar that could be playable across games (and I think at that time we were talking platforms as well).

With the introduction of Nintendo's Wii, the option to create Mii, the player is able to "create a 3-D avatar of yourself and insert it into video games". Although the representation does not have to be of yourself, the idea is pretty cool (let's hope they expand their title repertoire to make it appealing). I am sure there are a thousand critiques to the idea or perhaps simply of the execution, but for now, I will hold my breath and see how the community embraces (or rejects) it.

For a while, I had been getting discouraged with my research direction. Not that I had lost any interest, but that the field itself was removing the elements that made my work possible. But over the last few weeks, I have been thinking about my PhD, and with innovations such as this (whether it catches on or fizzles out is irrelevant at this point) there is room to move forward with my research (big sigh 'o relief).

More on the private use of public space...

2006-10-11T09:06:00.000-04:00

Last semester, I wrote a paper that focused on the historical roots of blogging which i traced back to the Greek idea of Huppomenata - thank you Foucault (hopefully it will get published sometime in the future). The essential point is that there are two sides of the blogging coin. For many young people, it is a way to feel important in a world that is constantly bombarding them with dramatic imagery and rich, fantastical stories of celebrity life. Often, these spaces are used explicitly because they are public. We are all familiar with this type of blogging as it is what draws the most media attention when something tragic happens.

The second type of blogging is alot more modest - the familial, 'keeping in touch' kind of blog. I think for this sector, the idea of public and private is the most skewed. They know that the space is public because they can share it, but I really don't think they think about any of the ramifications that come with it. It is almost a 'non-issue' to many of this type of bloggers (or flickr users etc.).

Coming back to the idea of posting private pictures in public spaces, sometimes the idea can seem great. This past weekend, I had gone to Nova Scotia to attend my mother's wedding. Many flashbulbs went off and a great time had been had by all. Myself, I had the honor of playing photographer for my mom, so luckily I am not in many of the shots. But a technically apt uncle of mine passed out business cards with a web address on it, offering to host the pictures from everyone who had taken pictures that evening. A wonderful idea - in theory. I mean, a place where we can see the wedding from different perspectives. But I question the use of the internet in this situation. For anyone who has ever attended a wedding in the Maritimes, the drink flows and the dancing can get pretty funky - even it it is to country music!

How is posting the pictures any different than me writing descriptively about it here? (besides the obvious faces/names etc). I wonder if they see the internet simply as a communication tool - oblivious to the moral and/or ethical questions that surround the idea of posting pictures of 100 people on a website for anyone to persuse.

*For more academic work on blogging, check out "Into the Blogosphere"

And they're back!

2006-10-10T11:24:00.000-04:00

WOXY.com is back online - I will do my best to push the station to all my friends who appreciate good music. To give props to those who made it possible for WOXY to be back online, please visit lala.com - a music exchange website, whose owner - dubbed "white knight" heard of WOXY after its demise and contacted the station to see what could be done to bring them back, offering free streams, more lounge acts and a whole lot more.

So here it is, loud and clear - please - if you read this space - please visit both WOXY.com and La La.

Working Through the Words

2006-10-03T10:04:00.000-04:00

I have been sitting here, paralyzed for several hours - days actually; maybe even weeks. I wake up at 4am thinking I need to work, and turn the computer on to realize that I just don't know where to start. Which is a silly thought since I have about 12 or so pages written. I am struggling through my thesis proposal. Which - again is silly for anyone who knows me - since I have been working towards this very moment for the last several years. Each project I have worked on, every paper I have written in the last few years have been done explicitly for my thesis. When anyone has ever asked what my work was about, I would usually warn them prior to my rambling, knowing exactly what it is I am doing, where I am going and what my framework, theorists and goals were.

So why then, can I not actually sit here and write this. It is already (embarrassingly) several months late. I have my answers to that question as well - I think - perhaps - it is the permanence of it all. That once I write this down, print it and submit it, I am committed to it. It has been months that I have been told to stop reading. Put the books down, stop working on new ideas and just work with what I have (which as I am told, is quite a bit in the first place). But beyond fear of commitment - I know that I am also worried about my academic future. My PhD - which, the more that I procrastinate, the less of an issue that stress will be.

And as I write this, I realize that I could have written three paragraphs on my proposal - which I plan on submitting this week come hell or high water to borrow an expression from my mother. /sigh

Giddy as a Schoolgirl

2006-10-02T07:27:00.000-04:00

*Mark October 10th on your calendar!

For those of you who read this space and who know me, you know that woxy.com has been the king of my audio experience. Of all the radio stations I have listened to over the years, WOXY has been the most inspirational station of all (and that's saying alot since I grew up listening to late night CBC show Brave New Waves with Brent Branburry (sp?) boy that man had a voice!)...

Anyways, the point is, I recently lamented the death of WOXY. In their quest to remain an independent station, free of corporate ties, they struggled with the financial side of things. Last night, as I was going to bed, I was thinking I should check out the message boards that remain on the station's website. What I saw made me very very happy:

WOXY.com lives...
Could it be true? Does lightning strike the same place twice? Apparently it does. It is indeed the real deal — WOXY.com will be back on-the-air soon and better than ever! Seems like we're proving ourselves to be master escape artists in eluding the icy depths of the deadpool. We're ready to kick out the jams and hope you are, too. In the meantime, please do join us on the boards, and if you haven't done so already, make sure you sign up for our email list to the right.
More details very, very soon...
- Mike, Shiv and Bryan Jay

Smart Spam

2006-10-01T10:27:00.000-04:00

It has been getting harder and harder to filter spam from regular comments these days. As Torill Mortensen blogged recently, the slightly off flattery, or the almost on topic comments make it hard to tell since spam software is getting 'smarter' and smarter. So much so, that there are even spam blogs - or "splogs" popping up and spreading their viral money making schemes.

I feel bad though, because as I wade through the comments left on our research blog awaiting moderation about 99.9% of them are spam, yet I always fear of missing that one legitimate comment, however brief it may be. Or worse yet, accepting a comment as legitmate and finding out that I had been had by yet another smart spammer.

CFP: DiGRA 2007 - Tokyo

2006-09-29T03:52:00.000-04:00

It's out - and they want full papers - due February 14th, 2007. Read below for more details.

Papers and panel proposals are invited for the third Digital GamesResearch Association International Conference (DiGRA 2007) in Tokyo. Thetheme of this conference is "Situated Play." Its goal is to shed lighton various kinds of situatedness of games. In particular, the conferenceaims to create a bridge between professionally and geographicallydiverse scholars and practitioners. We therefore welcome panel proposalsand papers that tackle various facets regarding the situatedness ofdigital games and attempt to combine a range of approaches in innovativeways.
The deadline for papers and panel proposals is midnight (Apia time),February 14, 2007. The selection will be based on full papers and panelproposals. The time allotted to one paper is 30 minutes, and thesubmitted papers should be between 2500 to 6000 words and an abstractmust be attached. A panel session will have two hours, and a panelproposal should be up to 800 words in addition to all the full papers inthe panel. Authors and organizers of panels will be requested tospecify a relevant thematic focus (see below) and their relevantdisciplinary backgrounds. Submission will be accepted by an onlinereview system. Practical details of submission will be announced on theconference website in January.
Based on the abstracts and the specified disciplinary backgrounds, theReview Committee Chair Douglas Thomas will assign papers and panelproposals to a Review Committee member, who will assign three or morereviewers to the paper. Based on the double-blind evaluation of thereviewers and taking the relevance of the papers to the conference theme into consideration, the Program Committee will select approximately 50 papers.
In addition to full papers, there will be lightening sessions, studentround tables, and poster sessions. A call for papers for these kinds ofsessions will be announced later. The deadline of submissions for thesesessions is planned to be in May. Further details of the conference willbe announced on the conference website (http://www.gamesconference.org)as the preparation proceeds. For inquiries, contact Kenji Ito atkenjiito67 [at] gmail.com.

And Speaking of Pictures

2006-09-28T11:17:00.000-04:00

There has been alot of discussion about the nature of the cyberspace. With it's boundaries between public and private blurred, cyberspace - for some, is a city made of glass houses where curtains and blinds have yet to be invented. Indeed, some have locks on their doors, but more often than not, the peephole is still big enough to get the jist of what goes on.

With the popularity of visual social softwares such as Flickr, the question of public and private is kept alive. Back in the day, it was always my impression that one could not publish a photograph of someone without their permission. To be fair, I believe this was a relatively contrived law reserved for the rich and famous, since we have regularly been bombarded by dying children and injured people across the globe, and something tells me that their consent wasn't quite obtained before becoming 'national geographic's' most famous photograph. (And who has been caught in the flash in the background of a sports scene splashed across the front of the sports pages without their permission...) But I will continue nonetheless.

If I take photographs at a party, for my personal use, they often remain a private collection, shared only with my limited circle of friends. When these pictures are shared, they are usually contextualized for the viewer by my stories surrounding the event of the picture being taken. I have even been known to speed through or even hide a photograph once in a while due to its personal or simply embarrassing nature (come on - we have all had bad camera angles!!). I have even had friends ask me specifically not to share a particular photograph with others.

So - this brings me to my beef du jour. Why is it perfectly acceptable for people to post every single picture they have ever taken online in a very public, and poorly if at all, contextualized space? From both a personal and legal standpoint, why are the people in the pictures not asked their permission to be billboarded? What makes it ethical to blatantly splash photographs of people across the internet. What I find interesting is that more often than not, the person actually posting the photographs arent even in the picture - so in theory, their own identity is not compromised in any way (if only by association to the events depicted in the image). What makes it different in people's mind to post these images online but not publish them in a magazine - or put the other way - why do people who post these (private) images in such a public space without conferring with those individuals in the picture? Has our perception of public and private become so entertwined that we no longer see an ethical issue here?

Erratum

2006-09-27T07:14:00.000-04:00

In noticing the hypocrisy of my post speaking out against posting pictures online without individuals' consent, I have removed the post including the link to pictures to the CGSA. It only made sense.

Girl Gamers and the Bigger Picture

2006-09-24T16:19:00.000-04:00

Within the field of game and digital studies, there has been much written about the marginalized role of girls (and women) in terms of both in the industry as well as players. Much of the current research if you were to google "girls + games" and "girl + gamers" in google scholar, you would see that much of the 'literature' surrounds the notion of exposing girls to video games, the complaint that there aren't (m)any games our there for girls and that girls are a minute part of the recognized demographic in terms of industry and marketing and looking at ways to changing that fact.

Many research projects who study "girl gamers" tend to gather a group of girls in a school or after-school center environment and offer them a wide selection of games and the technology to play them and then analyse their play choices, styles and social interactions during this time. Whether the girls had previous game experience or not is rarely an issue. Besides this being what I feel is an 'artificial' environment, I wonder what it REALLY tells us about girls and video games.

This past week, at the CGSA, there was a presentation (quite a good one for the most part) that ended with the casual statement "the research shows that if we want girls to play games we have to make them playable under 5 minutes". Personally, I found this a tad insulting and muttered that I will tell that to my sometimes hours-on-end-game-playing daughters. Which, of course earned the reply that there are always exceptions.

But what bothers me, is that although my girls are priveleged in the way of games and technology by having a games researching mom and a hardcore game playing dad - is that I know many many girls whose parents have no background or current interest in games who actually play games. And i dont mean five minute flash games. Most of the young girls I know have a DS and play more than Nintendogs. They like rpg and adventure games, Ratchet and Clank to Rose Online. They are not interested in Barbie's dress up adventures and Mary Kate and Ashley's 'girl games'. They want action, humor and all in all, general fun.

So I asked the question - when talking about needing to make more 'girl-ccentric, sims like games playable under 5 minutes' is that really to appease the 'girl gamers' - who, in my opinion would be girls who already play video games on their own, or is it to broaden the market share ini the video game industry to create games that appeal to a larger, non-video game playing female population? (Personally, by selecting girls who have never played much in the way of video games, I would suggest the latter). But I was told that that is not the case. So I continue to ask myself, how can you study girl gamers as the unique population that they are, by studying a random, volunteer based sample of girls in a school or community (who dont play games?!).

Maybe it is time to start talking to the girls who love video games, and have been playing them for as long as they can remember and see what makes them tick.

Blogging @ Gamecode.ca

2006-09-21T13:48:00.000-04:00

The first morning of the CGSA has passed, and I have been trying to keep notes. I have been doing so over at www.gamecode.ca/blog if you couldn't attend but want to see what's going on.

Heading to the CGSA

2006-09-19T18:01:00.000-04:00

I leave tomorrow for Toronto, to attend an inaugral workshop/conference for the Canadian Game Studies Association. An association still in development, it is supposed to be a government funded opportunity to meet other scholars across our nation and see what the others are up to in terms of studying video games. Here is a schedule of the presentations if anyone is interested.

The Role of the Avatar

2006-09-15T19:35:00.000-04:00

As I head into writing my thesis - a project that I had been working towards for the last almost 4 years now, what seemed to be a relatively easy task (i mean, this is what i have been working towards over the years, with every paper and every project) has now turned into a relatively monumental roadblock. Not because I don't know what my thesis is on, but because unlike every other project I have done so far, I have to present a 20 page proposal on what i intend to do.

The thing is, I know what i plan to do, but the way i write, often a mix between organic birth and rigid outlines doesn't quite cater to the idea of writing a proposal from start to finish of what it is i plan to uncover in the forthcoming pages.

I am currently working on a power point for a workshop we are presenting at the upcoming Canadian Game Studies Association inaugral meeting next week in Toronto. Without getting into the details I am essentially making three statements about my topic of interest and developing them briefly in terms of their abstract elements and concretizing the statement with an examplary anecdote from personal experience or my field notes (preferrably). But I keep stumbling on one... seemingly minor... potentially major detail. When I am writing about identity, who's identity am I talking about? And in what context? I have many answers - and I know what i DON'T want to be talking about... mainly the psychological development of identity.

But at times, my writing is around the player and other times it is the avatar. Originally, my goal was to discuss the relationship between the player and their avatar - and how it is similar and/or different than other abstract relationships. But quite honestly, the more I think, the more I confuse myself. The more questions I attempt to answer, the more questions I end up with.

So, when I am telling people at the CGSA that the process of identity construction in mmog's is a complex, interlocking web of negotiation between player/avatar, avatar/environment, avatar/avatar, avatar/player and finally player/player - it remains unclear who's identity I am talking about. In some respects, I do mean the player's and in other times, I mean the avatar... So how do i remedy this ambiguous ownership of identity by the time my thesis is due in January?

The Sound of Silence

2006-09-15T17:46:00.000-04:00

Today was the last day for WOXY's broadcast. As I sit here listening to the sound of nothingness through my speakers, I am saddened. WOXY has not only entertained me during my late nights of academic toil it, introduced me to a wealth of new music that I had lost much faith in. For many years, I had been content listening to the music I had grown up with, not hearing much in the way of new music that appealed to me. Until I started listening to WOXY. Pinback, Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, Rilo Kiley, Aqueduct, even Franz Ferdinand before they hit the indie bigtime - to name only a few artists I have fell in love with. All this to say, I do not welcome this imposed sound of silence.

Reporting the Real Deal

2006-09-13T10:08:00.000-04:00

A good friend of mine is currently in Toronto for the International Film Festival. She is a writer and has been blogging the 'real' event for a local print magazine here in Montreal. You can read her insights , here, here and here. After all the Entertainment Tonight, Star Daily and other deadly serious entertainement news, it is nice to read a fresh approach. Keep up the good work Celia.

A Sad Day for Independent Music

2006-09-01T09:58:00.000-04:00

I logged into to listen to my favorite internet (once terrestial) radio station WOXY.com to see the letter of doom posted on their front page. Although it was not a surprise - listeners knew that the days of great music and rockin' dj's were numbered do to the refusal to turn to corporate funding - I guess I just never thought it would be this soon. It is times like this I wish that I had Bill Gates' bank account. Who wouldnt want an kick ass radio station on their list of things supported.

WOXY has been what has revived my interest in independent music. As I have gotten older, I had settled into listening to my music collection of yesteryear, begrudging most new music I heard. But what WOXY showed me wasnt that the tuneage of today sucked, but that I was hearing it in all the wrong places. Thanks to dj's who have been on the job for several decades, following the new and independent music scene, I was introduced to new music selected by old and wise ears.

The airwaves will go silent September 15th. From that day forward, work will never be the same - who will i listen to while sitting at my desk for long hours typing and toiling away? Any (non satellite) suggestions for a new audio home, please let me know. Otherwise, my usual garb of black will carry a tad of symbolic sadness.

Heading Into Fall

2006-08-25T12:15:00.000-04:00

Always a shift in gears, as the kids get ready for another school year and the weather starts to cool, I always find myself sliding into a nostalgic frame of mind. Most people reflect on the past year over the holidays in December - custom has convinced us that we are to reflect on our lives at the end of the year. But for me, the smell of a woodstove burning in the cold autumn air is what brings me to the point of reflection.

I love autumn. Never mind that my birthday is in September and I am a big believer in celebrating one's birthday, but I tend to find myself thinking back to all the Septembers of my life - on all those first days of classes. The new haircuts and crisp new clothes. But this is the first fall that I am not prepping for classes (of my own of course). I am not rushing to find out what books I need and where the classrooms are. It is a strange feeling. Thankfully, having schoolage children allows me to continue to live our that nervousness vicariously through them.

Oddly, as August winds down, it is the first year in as many as I can remember that I am not feeling particularly nostalgic. I am not looking to the past with a sadness for what has past. As the sun pulls away slowly from the earth, (or the other way around), I find myself feeling like something is beginning. Without my ritual of class preperation, I notice that my responsibilites (academically) have shifted. It hit me hardest this summer - when I was writting my chapter. It was the first time that I had honestly felt that I could not slack off. I could not submit hurried work and accept a hit in my grades as a consequence. It made me realize that this - if I choose to continue with my PhD and an academic career (as I plan on doing) is how the rest of my life will be.

As fall approaches, I realize that I am busy as hell with things that will forward my 'career'. Organizing what has become an international symposium on research methods; participating on a panel at the inaugral Canadian Game Studies Association conference; working on my thesis and applying to schools for my PhD. My 'career' has always seemed like a distant goal, one that I thought would never really come. For all the years my family had joked that I would be a 'professional student' I suppose somewhere inside of me, I had come to believe it.

So for the first time in my life, at 33 years old, the coming of fall feels like a step forward and not a wistful look back on my life. Stepping forward to a place that I have etched out for myself. Quite honestly, as scarry as it feels - its a great kind of scared!

Mission Accomplished

2006-08-16T01:01:00.000-04:00

After a long day staring at my screen, and technically August 16th, I have finished the book chapter that I have been working on over the summer. The crunch hurt more than usual, but I am relatively happy with the end product. Always open for more technical editing - it is off. Holding my breath for feedback, I can take a day's rest and visit with some out of town company.

Stress & Motivation

2006-08-08T18:58:00.000-04:00

As I sit here, typing this post, I am well aware that there are other things that should be penned instead. I am working against a deadline of August 15th for a 5,000 word book chapter (due out in 2007). I am about a half of the way through it, yet I have known (and should have been working in it) since March.

Yet, like everything else I have ever written, I have procrastinated to the relative last minute. Over the past year, as my work load has increased, I have learned that "last minute" has broadened, instead of 3 or 4 days being acceptable, a week is now "back against the wire" last minute. But why can I not work months in advance of a deadline? Surely there is some psychology written about procrastination and productivity. Every time I think I might not make it this time, I accomplish what seems to have been the impossible. And knowing that I have yet to actually fall flat on my face putting things off till the last minute, I continue to take the (calculated) risk.

My justification has often (and is this time again) that if there is no fire under my backside, my creative and intellectual juices just aren't firing on all cylinders. I wonder, is that true? I know that it forces me to choose my words and stick with them for the lack of time - dilly-dallying trying to find the perfect word, phrase or sentence structure. It (in my opinion) avoids flowery language since I don't have the time to write poetry while toiling away on some social theory. But how much better would my work be if I took months (or three years!) to work on one project. Without distractions, other papers or articles, thesis' or extra-curricular academic activities. Would my work be better simply because I dedicated more time to it?

The Taste of Rejection

2006-08-04T09:35:00.000-04:00

Sadly, my proposed abstract (Finding Ourselves in Play: Identity and Identification in Video Games) was not accepted to be part of an edited collection on cinema and games (linked in the previous post). It was a bitter-sweet rejection. I was excited to be part of this project, and had the entire paper written (to be edited of course) and so I was saddened to be rejected - but on the other hand, the tight deadline of September 1st for the full paper when we only found out today if we were in or out - made my chest a little tight. I am still struggling with a chapter that has already been accepted (and is due August 15th) - so the rejection, I suppose, is welcome in a sense.

Which is always how I feel when I submit something - sad but releived. Although I am quite a chatty, outgoing person in my everyday dealings, my career - or path towards one, is plagued with a fear of public speaking (and a fear of failure - but then, who does not feel that fear once in a while.) So, while I push forward to be a bigger part of something, I am secretly scared to death.

Scared or not, I won't stop at this book. I am now looking for a journal or two that I could submit this paper to. It is a nice balance between game and film studies literature, as it was originally presented in a department of cinema/film class. If anyone has any suggestions - feel free to post a link in the comments.

With a view like that...

2006-07-22T13:45:00.000-04:00

Its been hard to get some work done. After spending some time on the coast of Prince Edward Island, my brain should be refreshed and rarring to go. Instead, it has settled into vacation mode, making my to-do list grow faster than summer grass after a week of rain.

The submission deadline to our upcoming symposium has passed, and the response has been good. The selection has been made and I am crossing my fingers that those who have been selected will confirm their attendance. We are looking at a nice two days of interesting topics, methods, challenges and creative solutions. With only 20 presentations over two days, there is alot of room for debates and interaction. Now to start planning the details...

I have also decided to expand on a presentation I did last spring on identity and identification for an edited collection and conference CFP on Videogames & Cinema. Although I have over 4,000 of the 5,000 word limit done (but not edited of course) I seem to be struggling with writting a 1,000 word abstract for it. I know that you are supposed to have a paper written prior to the abstract, but it has rarely worked that way for me. The abstract has always been something of a vague introduction to something that I want to do. With such vagueness, I have been able to let it take any direction once the writting has begun. I know that technically, it should be easier to write this abstract, since I already have an introduction, middle and conclusion - it just seems hard to figure out what to leave in and what to omitt in the abstract when the final project is already (relatively) finished. Guess the first step is to splash my stark white canvas with red paint and work on covering that up.

Summer Holidays

2006-07-03T11:41:00.000-04:00

Summer is here, and I have made my annual pilgrimmage eastward. Although with more work on my plate than past years, it is still nice to be out of the city - smog and humidity - to be able to breath dry, fresh air. I am working on a book chapter and my thesis proposal, not to mention tying up loose ends of research I have been doing and working on preparing the Trials & Tribulations symposium from a distance - so hopefully with all of that, I'll get a chance to blog a bit about some of the things I'm working through.

Addiction Revisited

2006-06-19T15:41:00.000-04:00

Since posting on the state of video game addiction and it's rehab centers, I found this link via Gameology.org showing the dark side of addiction.

Rose Online

2006-06-11T16:56:00.000-04:00

My daughter started playing this mmorpg - Rose Online, geared towards pre/teens (7 day or 35hour free trial). The graphics are adorable, as you play slight anime children who fight jelly beans, flowers and pumpkins (so far that is). You can play the usual gamut of classes (fighter, caster, healer and vendor). But what I like the most about it, is that although there are quite a number players, given their age range, there is little online in terms of out of game, third party information sites - which makes the exploration of the game a little more fun (in my opinion - a little more frustrating in my daughter's).

What I find interesting is that she enjoys the rpg game, but is not interested in communicating with the other players. Surely age and shyness has something to do with it, but the odd thing is (imo) is that she is not really interested in playing single player rpg's that would give her the play she likes without the hassle of other players. Back to the playing alone together theory I suppose.

The Growing Realm of Addiction

2006-06-09T09:05:00.000-04:00

My skin crawls when I see articles such as this one. The opening of a "gamer addiction" center, to help people of all ages kick their addiction. I agree that people can be addicted per se to playing games. I think anyone with an addictive personality can be addicted to anything really. But I get worried of the increasing medicalization of addiction - and not in the psychological sense, but in the physical one.

Some show withdrawal symptoms, such as shaking and sweating, when they look at a computer.

I wonder where the rehab centers for ex-athletic children are. The ones who undoubtedly suffer from a decrease in strength due to the diminished quantity of excercise. I remember when I was doing yoga and working out weekly, if I missed a week let alone two, my muscles felt cramped and I had an increased desire to stretch. Yes - I am stretching the point a little far, but I cannot imagine anyone going into the shakes from not playing a good stretch of WoW. Distraction thinking about missing out on the 'haps' in the game maybe - but the shakes?

And I wonder what constitutes "addiction" if you don't have the symptons? Is it purely defined by "I used to play alot and now I don't want to?" or must it be accompanied by physical symptons. "I'm sorry sir, you arent REALLY addicted to video games - you don't exhibit enough of the symptons to fall into that category".

The article gives a (ludicrous) example of a guy who played games and smoked pot. Thinking he had a drug problem, went to drug rehab. But alas! Silly man! Twas not the drugs!!! it was the video games:

Hyke van der Heijden, 28, a graduate of the Amsterdam program, started playing video games 20 years ago. By the time he was in college he was gaming about 14 hours a day and using drugs to play longer.

"For me, one joint would never be enough, or five minutes of gaming would never be enough," he said. "I would just keep going until I crashed out."

Van der Heijden first went to Smith & Jones for drug addiction in October 2005, but realized the gaming was the real problem. Since undergoing treatment, he has distanced himself from his smoking and gaming friends. He says he has been drug-and game-free for eight months.

I guess it all just goes against so much literature I have read, along with many of my friends and colleagues. No one has to claim that video games are perfect, and all good things come from moderation if one were to be pragmatic. But to make claims such as the one below makes me very sad given all the social research about online communication that is out there.

"We have kids who don't know how to communicate with people face-to-face because they've spent the last three years talking to somebody in Korea through a computer," Bakker said. "Their social network has completely disappeared."

Symbolic Order of Furniture

2006-06-09T08:24:00.000-04:00

I have been reading Baudrillard's 'The system of objects', and have been quite taken with his analysis of the role of furniture in socio-cultural history. How social status and structure is defined through the materiality of the home, how it reflects the nature of the family. I never really thought about my furniture before beyond its function and comfort. Yes, I admit that there is an obvious connection between material 'things' and social status (marble over melamine), but what I see Baudrillard talking about is a bit different. He talks about the architecture of old homes being many rooms, compartmentalized by social status and familial hierarchy. The dinning room is a room that is disappearing in contemporary homes that favor open concept living. Mirrors are decorative elements are diminishing, becoming more and more purely functional. Family portraits are waning etc, etc. All this a reflection of the change in society.

When I think about it, I am startled at how it makes so much sense. That when we are young, we buy functional furniture (usually low to mid price, with a short life span). There is no symbolic order in the furniture. The pieces don't mean anything except their function. As people grow up, marry and have children, there is often a tendency to move towards furniture that moves beyond its function, becoming both a functional and symbolic artefact.

I am trying to think through my work on identity in mmo's with this... the difference between symbolic and functional order. At what stage is the symbolic element implemented? How does materiality or the virtuality of material alter the potential symbolism? functionalism? Is it relevant at all? Or is it just a really interesting thought project that Baudrillard is taking me on?

Hearing what we want to hear?

2006-06-02T12:02:00.000-04:00

As I sit here trying to get much work done, I am thinking of the ritual of posting and commenting - in blogs, forums and any other post/reply format. For the many years that I have participated in online communicative spaces, there has not been a lack of misunderstanding, left turn tangents and 'say what??' moments. When each person reads something, a book, newspaper article or review, we come to it with our own baggage. Our own perspectives and ideas of the situation. So when we are given the opportunity to comment on what we read, often the replies reflect this self-centered perspective.

This is not always a bad thing. It opens the lines of communication into other people's point of views. But at other times, it can get frustrating when it seems like someone just isn't getting the point of what was intended in the original post. Instead of it being a space of open give and take of pov's, it turns into a 'I am right' kind of posting session, without regard to the potential idea that it wasn't quite the point. When I see this happening on threads, a little high pitched voice creeps into the back of my head reminiscent of my mother's voice telling me that we only hear what we want to hear.

Walkthroughs in Research: Cheating or Education?

2006-05-30T12:58:00.000-04:00

*cross posted @ www.gamecode.ca/blog/

The value of being a gamer in game studies research has been on my mind over the last year in various forms. Throughout my final research methods class this past semester, I was hoping to write about why being "native" is often seen as a requirement for game studies, while it is usually frowned upon in other fields (such as anthropology) for reasons of objective distance. Although I changed my topic for my final assignment, the question still lingers in the back of my mind. It was recently reawakened by a recent survey done by Julian Kucklich around the topic of cheating in games research. There was also a lengthy discussion on the gamesnetwork mailing list generated when Julian announced the survey, ranging from claims that walkthroughs are now part and parcel the game itself, and should no longer be considered "cheating" to philosophical banter surrounding the definitional boundaries and notion of cheating.

What does being a gamer first, researcher second have to do with cheating in games research? I know the two are linked, but the more I think about it the more I wonder. It is often said that being a gamer helps the researcher experience the games in the same way that they are by those who play the games - the insight gained by being "in" is invaluable; in order to truly understand what you are researching, to really get 'it' you must be 'in it'. I must admit, I have often been heard stating many of these very statements. But I wonder how necessarily true it is. Don't get me wrong - no matter how much I've described my experiences in EverQuest to non-gamers, they still never really 'get it'. Even in my own research now, when I meet respondents, I am always adamant about stating my play history. I need them to understand that they don't need to contextualize everything for me, that I 'get it' and so we can skip the introduction part.
It is in this way that all the arguements 'for' being a gamer who came to research instead of a researcher gaming because they had to collect field notes, data, experience, etc., make sense to me.

Yet lately, my mind has been questioning every other occupation and field of research that does not require one to be part of the community that they study or care for. How many teachers or day care workers have never had children of their own? How many therapists of marginalized communities do not belong to that community themselves? To be fair, I know two people who were once street kids who now work in the field, knowing the ins and outs of 'being there', who have always said it gives them an edge. Although an 'expert' via education is equally (and if not at times moreso) respected in many fields.

Coming to the idea of 'cheating' in games research by using the 'tools' available, FAQ's, walkthroughs, saved games and add-ons. Maybe instead of viewing it as cheating, we can see it as an education from the books and not from the street.

Habermas & Identity

2006-05-23T20:00:00.000-04:00

In the spirit of keeping my brain from turning to mush now that I am done all my coursework for my MA, I recently purchased Habermas' The Future of Human Culture, which talks about issues and ethics that surround genetic research. The part that I find particularly interesting is the potential effect on identity. The overall idea is that a person's identity is intertwined with one's "nature". Identity develops from within - from our genetic make up, as well as from outside - socially. If we are to alter a person genetically during the conception stage, pre-selecting traits (medically as well as aesthetically), we potentially alter the essence of that individual's identity. Although Habermas is asking some serious questions about where we are headed as a species, I wonder what this can bring to theories of identity in the age of technology, cyborg theory, digital life and yes, alter egos found in spaces such as mmog's.

Technical Values of Reality

2006-05-17T11:06:00.000-04:00

*this post may appear somewhat disjointed, but is a combination of ideas that - in my head - float around the same central idea of reality and technology.

After a rambling conversation with a friend of mine last night, I have been thinking about the value that is placed on the 'real' and how technology has altered that definition, which is in the process of shifting that traditional definition of (real in a Baudrillardian/semiotic sense). What I find interesting is the struggle to maintain the value traditionally attached to 'tangible' reality.

For many, and perhaps Baudrillard included, the concept of hyperreality and simulacra (in its later stages) carry a relative sense of loss. Loss of the real, murder of the real as Baudrillard has penned himself. But after reading an article sent to me by a professor recently, the idea that my adult perception of reality from a technologically enhanced perspective is different than that of my children's as well as from that of other adult's who are not as technologically immersed. Much ado has been made about children's inability to 'learn', 'sit still' or 'concentrate' all because of their saturation/heavy exposure to multiple technological sensory inputs (music, video, chat etc.). What I like about the article is that instead of looking at my children's generation as dysfunct, or incapable of 'sitting still' or doing their homework in silence as a bad thing, it puts it into a perspective of an altered reality, with equal opportunities to learn (among other things) just with a different skill set really...

Without getting into any debateable cognitive material, this generation has learned to multi-task from a very early age, therefore, logically, making them capable of 'working' in such an environment. Which shouldn't be a surprise to me, since I cannot work in silence either. I need multiple things on at once even to write my deepest of papers. Most of my friends cannot work in my environment, but my academic career started when I was a single mother of a 2 year old girl - I had no choice but to multi-task if I ever thought of getting my work done, parenting and sleeping some time in the last century! Point is, for a long time, I thought I wasn't being a "real" or good academic because I was not shutting myself off to immerse myself in my work. Thanks to a very helpful academic counsellor, I came to realize that I can think just as 'deeply' as my solitude-immersed counter-parts.

So if it works for me - why not my girls?

Coming back to Baudrillard, hyperreality. My understanding of simulacra is when there is no longer a binary relationship between signifier and signified. That this binary merges to become both what it is and what it means. This merging of binaries should be seen as an accomplishment I think instead of a loss. Logically speaking, it simplifies reality doesn't it? What you see is what something is ? I know that this is an elementary view of simulacra, but it makes me wonder about the idea of the 'real' being worth more than 'hyperreal'. Is this value simply a nostalgic move on the part of the 'older' generation who had to 'learn the language of technology' seeing 'natives' of technology [Prensky, 2001] emerging with a different perspective of reality?

And lastly, isn't this whole merging of binary the goal of (was it Foucault? I cannot remember at the moment - will look for the answer later - but for now, on with the idea). It was stated sometime during this past semester, that the last binary yet to be truly deconstructed or merged was that of being "human" and not being human. This being a tad off base from the rest of the post, but isn't the merging of signified and signifier via technology a step towards this deconstruction of humaness? Cyborg theory, increase in medical implants and the redefinition of time, space and what real is through technology - aren't all of these things part of that project?

All this to say that as the definition of what is "real" shifts with each 'native' generation, the concept of hyperreal just is what it is - without the sense of loss or value traditionally attached to the 'old' ways of 'real'. Will this not even be a question for my children?

Transition: Harder than it seems

2006-05-11T09:30:00.000-04:00

From coursework to ... work, the last few weeks have been an exercise in transition. Currently working for three professors on three seperate projects, my perceived 'art' of multi-tasking is currently being put to the test, and the hours are alot longer than I had anticipated.

What I find interesting about all three projects, is that they require quite a high level of 'intuition' on my part. From being asked to find articles on a particular topic to selecting what is 'relevant' or noteworthy within a larger body of research data (which I am collecting), to having to be 'intuitive' about what has to be done on a day to day basis for my third contract - overall, I am realizing that alot of work within academia is intuitive... either you 'know' what you are looking for, you 'know' when you see it or you don't. Of course, this intuition is a result of a good 'academic upbringing' imo, and since I have always wondered if I have what it takes, these intuitive moments are often causes of stress. The good thing is, I know, that if I don't fall over in failure, my own academic career will benefit.