How un-feminist of me

The tides of internal struggle between wanting to push forward and read everything out there ever written (...well, as far as my interest would carry me) and the internal desire to stay at home, and raise my children while being supported handsomely by my everloving mate for life - well, its a struggle that rears it's ugly head in times of stress and self-doubt. For all the anti-feminist feelings i have been feeling, i can't help but think that at some point, i am not allowed to want to be a stay at home mom/wife. In all the struggle for equality, we have lost sight that, while perhaps it is a conditioned state of feminity, it is one that i sometimes yearn for. Indeed, it is probably a case of greener grass, and knowing me, i would have to be commited after a short period of time from boredom ... i still find myself wanting the best of both worlds; an active academic life and a healthy homelife. But for now, it seems that it is always one or the other.